Prediction Confliction

It's been a long time since I tried on my alliteration duds, and these two words seemed to fit just about right. So anyhow, as we approach the end of another calendar year (on the Judeo-Christian calendar) I felt it was time to say some stupid things again. Although, this time I'm wrapping it in a blanket of smoked bacon and quasi-intellect to give it that home-cooked goodness.

My Predictions

1. The Anonymous (aka "Wild West Show") Internet will be Dead

What: Eventually, but not that far off, no one will be able to be truly anonymous or impossible to locate when they use the Internet.

When: On or before 2024

Why: The strongest proponents for this are governments and corporations. The only opponents are individuals. Guess who has more money, power, influence and the ability to basically "make it happen"? Lao Tsu (or Sun Tsu?) would've called this an "unstoppable force", but the only potential "immovable objects" are a bunch of people on their couches with a remote control in their hands. I know you're going to say "but, but, people will rise up and ...", and I'll finish that sentence with "...succumb to the boiling frog syndrome". It won't happen abruptly, but gradually over time.  The way all diabolical plans work best.

2. American Domestic Violence will Rise

What: Incidents of Americans attacking other Americans based on religious, ethnic, economic, political and racial differences will rise in frequency.

When: From now through ...?

Why: it was obvious from the most recent election that the public is growing more polarized. It is also apparent that the major press outlets feel they gain from helping to foment this growing divide, possibly from the increased "news" content that is created from the results. Creating news is more appealing than having to wait for it.  I'm not even referencing the recent spate of shootings (Newtown,CT, or the fire-fighters, or the cops in Kansas or Washington State), just general public angst and polarization will be enough to drive this evil crap higher.  Add to that the rising popularity of energy drinks, violence on TV and movies, and you have a little gasoline for the fire.  Enjoy!

3. Electric Vehicles will Finally Take Hold

What: once the right market forces get fully behind it, pure-electric vehicles will become commonplace alongside existing combustion engine and hybrid vehicles. And not just four-wheeled products.

When: On or before 2024

Why: Once the corporate players figure out a good profit angle it will be a no-brainer for shareholders.

4. TV "Reality" Shows will Gain Equal Status with Movies

What:  Award shows will emerge that are devoted entirely to the so-called "reality" shows on cable and satellite TV (okay, they're on the major networks also).  But, more importantly, the public will view them as being of equal "quality" and "value" as cinematic movies and premium cable movies as well.  They will hand out awards that will be of equal status with the Oscar, the Emmy, and the Grammy.

When: Within five (5) years, probably sooner.

Why:  We are becoming dumber by the minute.

We will have to check back in this posting in 10 years to see if I was right. The low-risk aspect of this is I'm guessing nobody will remember this in 2024, an I could be dead and gone anyway.

What do you think?  Am I completely off my rocker?  Post your thoughts in the Comment box below...

If I was a Billionaire...

I know this is going to sound a bit trite, maybe even glib, or just like outright bullshit, but whatever. One of my biggest dreams has always been to have the means by which to build things to make a better place to live for those around me. I'm talking about the kinds of things that require massive funding.

This isn't a new idea, obviously. Plenty of American philanthropists have done amazing things over the past four hundred plus years. To me, having cool toys would be nice, and I would definitely collect a few; but spending some of that money on making the area more fun and livable would make me feel more content and fulfilled. Just sayin.  The one big difference here is that I'm anything BUT a philanthropist.

Having more or less planted my roots in the area of southeast Virginia, I feel like I could target things more effectively here than elsewhere. I know the nay-sayers will argue that much of this is unattainable or impractical, but fuck them. I'm sick of hearing about what can't be done. Every big idea and big project in this country's history has had it's share of push-back. From national parks, to interstate highways, to the space program. Even Ben Franklin was laughed at when he suggested we implement public schools and libraries. Besides, my list isn't all that pie-in-the-sky really.

So here's my "top ten" list of things I would build or improve around here, if I had the means to do so:

1. Build/expand a unified light rail system throughout the seven cities. Connecting all military bases, shipyards, airports, schools, public venues, parks, oceanfront, and shopping centers. Find a way to make it cheap to use, maybe free, and yet self-sustaining.

2. Build or expand several large parks, so they would be capable of supporting mountain biking and hiking, with hills and interesting features.  Trucking in some dirt and big rocks could make a lot of places more interesting and fun to use.

3. Expand and build more biking/hiking trails that would make it possible to ride or hike between, and throughout, all of the local cities and to Richmond, and/or Raleigh.

4. Implement public broadband and WiFi. Gigabit to every neighborhood, library, school and so on.

5. Fund a program so every dog and cat can get spayed and neutered, and get their required shots for free.

6. Push hard (REAL hard) to end the ban on sliding down hills when it snows.  You can "swim at your own risk" but you can't slide at your own risk? It's completely retarded.

People having fun on snow - illegal in Virginia Beach

7. Build a high-speed rail line from here out to Richmond, Raleigh and connect up with Acela to form a line along the coast passing through here.

8. Expand local scholarship programs so local students who prove themselves by grades and financial need can attend local colleges and universities.

9. Fund programs to offer more incentives to military families to remain in the area after ending their service. Jobs, schooling, housing, tax breaks, whatever.

10. ?? (I'd leave this one open for future ideas)

Gazoline or Vazoline

Gasoline sounds so American.  Gazoline sounds like a diabolical German scientist in a black-and-white suspense movie.  I'm not an expert on the subject of Petroleum, nor any of its refined downstream products (except for plastic, of which I use daily, har har), but I do play a petroleum expert on TV.  TV in my mind, that is.  This article is going to blow the minds of a few of my colleagues, who know me as anti-oil, but this should prove that I'm objective by nature and always have been.

And if I were a real bonafide expert on post-production petroleum permutations, I would offer the following insights into the aspects of Gasoline and our cultural perspectives upon it.  Myths be damned...

Myth: The indicators of gasoline price change are easy to predict

Wrong.  They don't exist.  What does exist is picking a reason du jour for blaming anything besides profit drive.  The truth is that of all the various excuses used by big oil, none have held up consistently.  Not oil prices, war, regional conflict, weather and natural disasters, political strife, exploration costs, refinement costs, transportation challenges, not even solar flares.

The biggest "oops!" moment came in 2008, when, at the lowest point in our economic collapse, Exxon-Mobil reported their biggest profits in history.  Not biggest revenues mind you, but biggest profits.

This was during the same week that one of the biggest page 2 stories around the nation was the report from NHTSA that highway traffic was at the lowest volume recorded in the previous twenty years.  Higher unemployment and higher gas prices meant fewer people driving around, it was said.  When asked how they could rake in such insanely-high profits, each of the big oil reps gave a completely different answer.  It seemed that they skipped their weekly golf outing and didn't have a chance to synchronize their stories.  In the end, big oil faded into the background without giving a cohesive explanation, the government panel gave up, and ultimately: nobody cared.  The best example of American determination is our short public attention span.

Conclusion: If you want to know why gas prices go up suddenly, just pick any reason, I'm sure it will stick.

Myth: It's unfair that oil companies can raise prices at will

Wrong.  Companies like Exxon/Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, BP, and so on are NOT social agencies.  They do not exist to support the betterment of society nor the noble efforts of the common worker struggling to make it to their office, their kids events, the bowling alley, the bar, and back home again.  They are what's known as A BUSINESS.  A "business" is defined as an entity that exists for the purpose of making profit.  Period.  Don't like it?  Ride a bicycle or buy an electric car.  Oh wait, there's none to choose from locally.  That's because all those years when the tree-huggers you laughed at were warning you that you'd be tied to Gas like Keith Richards to a heroin couch.  You ignored it and kept dumping your cash into big American-sized shit.  Pat yourself on the back.  Good job.

Myth: Oil companies are to blame for SUV's and 4x4 trucks with crappy mileage

This is the same bullshit argument used against Microsoft's supposed monopoly on operating systems.  No one forced you to buy a stupid, over-sized, difficult-to-park SUV.  Your ego forced it.  You had to keep up with your social circles and not be the only soccer mom without a white Escalade, Lexus or Tahoe.  You had complete control over what you purchased.  You chose poorly and now you want to blame the oil companies.  If you drive a Prius and despise the oafish driving habits of half-blind SUV owners, you still can't blame big oil. Blame the peroxide-blonde with the sunglasses on, carrying a toy poodle in to get groomed.

Myth: Government should step in to regulate gasoline prices

As much as my emotional side wants to agree with that, my rational side sees the downside of that.  Where do you draw the line?  What comes after that?  Hamburger prices?  Cable TV?  Condoms?  Chewing gum? Some people would call that a "slippery slope", but I call it a "lubricated slope".

The best solution?  Pursue alternatives.  I'm not saying to talk about alternatives, that does nothing.  Americans are all about talk, rarely taking action.  "Someday I'm going to lose weight"  Yeah.  And Elvis is coming back.  You want to break your weekly dependence on oil?  Buy an electric car, bicycle or just walk, or just STFU.

Myth:  Cutting back on gasoline use will break our dependence on OPEC and foreign oil

Wrong.  Not only does America import more oil from Canada than anyone else, keep in mind that each automobile tire consumes seven (7) gallons of oil to manufacture.  That's just the start. Now consider everything else that requires oil as an ingredient:  paint and coatings, lubricants (oil and grease), and all the massive amounts of plastics used in your car, your home, your phone, your computer, your TV, your glasses, your clothes, your shampoo and toothpaste, your combs and brushes, your appliances, your food packaging, your makeup, and more.

A pure-electric car would still consume a lot of oil to manufacture and still require more oil to keep it running.  We can't stop using oil.  It's as much a part of our lives as water and air.

Also, while a lot of people assume oil generates most of our electric power in the U.S., it doesn't even come close to coal.  Not even in the same ball park.  Coal is king.  Coal producers are not in the big oil game, they have their own game.

Cheers!

Rant No. 42

I'm not on Adam Carolla's level, by any means, but I still have some things that piss me off enough to want to express my frustrations every now and then.  It's also been way too long since my last official rant, so here goes...

Driver's Licenses

It's way too easy to get a license these days.  They're cheap.  The test is simple enough for monkey to pass, even after a case of beer.  The penalties for fucking up are rather minimal (tickets for running stop signs, speeding, and wandering over lanes are relatively cheap).  Even if you happen to screw up enough times to lose your insurance coverage, there are dozens of cheap insurance companies running ads on TV all day and night that will gladly cover you for a few bucks.

The net result?  Nobody gives a shit if they drive like shit.

There's no value in the privilege of driving anymore.  Twenty or thirty years ago, it took a lot longer to get a license because most parents back then didn't hand you a car on your 16th birthday.  You had to (get this, you won't believe me...) SAVE YOUR OWN MONEY to buy one.  My parents were fortunate enough to help me out, but they still made me go shop around and find the right (used) car on my own, which was an incredibly valuable lesson.

Consider this for a moment.  Read it through before you roll your eyes and imagine what it "could" mean:

What if it cost $500 or $1,000 to apply for a driver's license?  Not to be granted one, but just to take the test.  And if you failed the test, you had to pay another $100 for each retake.  I'm not done.

What if you were allowed (3) driving infractions in (5) years before having it suspended for a full year?  I'm talking about things like speeding, running stop signs and red lights, driving wrecklessly, or my personal favorite: tailgating.

Remember that old lesson your grandparents taught you about the value of something earned?  If you're given an expensive toy, you won't protect and maintain it as diligently as if you had to work, save and purchase it yourself?  Ever get pissed off at how people treat YOUR stuff that YOU paid for, but they somehow think is THEIRS to mess with?  Ever had shithead room mates?  Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about now.  The asswipe that ate the food and drank the beer that you paid for and carried home.

It's the same for anything.  Give someone something and they'll appreciated it, but not as intensely as when they sacrifice themselves to earn it.  It's just basic human nature.

I say:

1. Make license tests MUCH more expensive
2. Make the license tests more difficult to pass
3. Make it much easier to lose your license privileges

The problem with this, of course, is that industry is against it entirely.  There have been legislative efforts in the past to raise the driving age, make the tests more difficult, and make them more expensive, but auto manufacturers and dealers cry foul that it hurts sales, and oil companies whine that it hurts gasoline sales.  Then there's the advocates for the poor, who argue that higher costs favor the wealthy, but most of them ride the bus anyway, so fuck em.  And regardless, it's fewer asswipes on the road and endangering the rest of us who try to get from "A" to "B" safely every day.

I have more rants coming.  Just wait.  I'm just warming up.

Swallowing Without Looking

Sometimes I have to stop and question things that just don't quite seem right.  Maybe it's because I'm a big fan of George Carlin, Frank Zappa and others that never made a habit of accepting things blindly.

Case in point: Light Rail safety PSA campaign

The ads say "Light rail safety.  It begins with you."

This is wrong.  There is no logic in this statement whatsoever.  None.  Zero.  It's completely wrong and stupid.  The fact that people accept this statement without question, is one thing. But when people take it up on defensive posture during a discussion, well, that's just shitheaded.

Is it bad to emphasize safety?  No.

Is it bad to suggest pedestrians and drivers be safe around light rail systems?  No.

So what's wrong?

Here's what's wrong:  Light rail safety, like any infrastructure-oriented safety, doesn't "begin" with "you".  It begins with a safe design.

PERIOD.

Consider this:  If a system makes it not only possible, but probable, even predictably probable, for a categorical "accident" to occur, it has failed the safe design test.  FAILED.  This is one of the basic tenants of statistical analysis.  You're supposed to strive to minimize risk and failure in any system that adds risk to human life or well-being.  A basic statistician can calculate the relative risk deviations between two alternative design patterns.  A categorical failure would be a pedestrian interaction with the movement of the train car, or that between a personal or commercial vehicle and a train car.

Typically, the approach would be to identify parallel "baseline" systems to assess comparative risk and probability.  This isn't the first light rail system to be built in a U.S. city.  There are likely many "lessons learned" that could provide excellent baselines on which to determine the relative deviations and risks.  Damn.  I think that's also referred to as "learning from past experience".

The next step would be to take that assessment data and work to mitigate those risks to "close the gap" between the proposed design and other existing designs.  For example, to mitigate the risk of a collision between ground-dwelling pedestrians, cars, trucks, motorcycles and buses, you could raise the light rail tracks above ground to provide isolation.  Gee.  Sound familiar to any of you folks in Chicago?  This also serves another, equally important goal: isolating new systems from interfering with existing systems.

The culprit here is obvious: Funding.  But funding was actually a symptom of politics, as it usually is.  In this case, the other near-by cities backed off from committing to the project because of political pressure to cut spending across the board in a Recession.  So Norfolk went for it alone.  Because they couldn't afford the added costs of raising the tracks from end-to-end, we have a system that is less than ideal, but workable.  Risky, but predictably so, at least somewhat.

Would an elevated track design be the perfect solution? Nothing is perfect.  However, such a design change would arguably provide risk mitigation for at least two of the identified categorical risks: interference and collision.  These two risks are very high on the probability score for causing injury or death, which are bad (at least, that's what I was told).

They knew of these risks well in advance.  Otherwise, how would they have scripted and produced the ads to convey this message a year ahead of the grand opening?

When someone or some people collectively agree to proceed with something that has known dangers, we call it "acceptable risk".  Drug companies, tobacco companies and car manufacturers operate on acceptable risk every second of every day.  So do pilots, divers, EOD technicians, and even school teachers.  You do it to: every time you drive your car, motorcycle or truck.

There are no "sort of" grades here though.  A logical statement is a logical statement - or it isn't.  Think of commercial aircraft: What if the airlines said that safety of the aircraft in flight "begins with YOU", rather than with a safe aircraft, trained crew and reliable parts?  Still make sense to you?  How about, "safety in the operating room - begins with YOU", rather than a skilled surgeon and staff, and sterile equipment?  That would be stupid.  So is arguing that "we" as riders are primarily responsible for the safety of the light rail system.  Stop letting these D-grade marketing ad campaign morons off the hook.  I'm convinced the ads are dumb is because Norfolk couldn't afford to pay for a better Advertising firm, which I can understand.

Am I overreacting?  Maybe.  Or is it shining a light on yet another whittling away at our collective sense of acceptable logic?  Remember when you were five or six, and you questioned everything you saw or heard?  Why did you stop?  Why do we all stop?

How then, should the PSA have been worded?

"Light rail safety.  It's important for all of us."

Moochers Everywhere

Have you ever had the experience of asking your friends or coworkers to pitch in on something (lunch, dinner, beer, etc.) and they opt out, only to come back later and try to mooch off what you had to pay for alone?  If you haven't, you re lucky indeed.  Most people I know, including myself, are all too familiar with that situation, especially in our younger days.
A similar case occurred recently while riding the newly opened "Tide" light rail system in Norfolk, VA.  On the opening weekend, we took advantage of the free access and rode it from end to end, taking note of each station and location along the way.  During the ride, there were a handful of Tea Party loyalists around sharing their complaints about the city spending money on a mass transit system.  One of them decided to grand stand in the middle of one "car" and used the crowd as his captive audience.  After listening to this idiot spew idiocy for a few minutes, I finally had enough.
He said "How is this going to help Virginia Beach residents? Huh?!"
I shut him down: "Virginia Beach voted to skip the project, so their residents have no say in what Norfolk decides to do, so shut the fuck up and go ride your own light rail... ooops! You don't have one, do you?"  That worked.  I'm a Virginia Beach resident, but I'm disgusted with the apathy of residents in the entire area.  No wonder most big companies avoid creating jobs here.  Many have visited to consider it, but almost all of them move on elsewhere.
On a side note: On the opening day of the Tide system, the Tea Party, all 12 of them, staged a protest at the Newtown Road station, complete with signs and clever rhyming chants while walking around in circles.  When the news cameras were turned off, they immediately dispersed and left, but not before stopping by the complimentary donut and coffee table to load up before leaving.  Those entitlements are tough to ignore.

Light Rail in Hampton Roads

I took my son to ride the Tide today.  It's only the second day of it's operational debut.  There were some minor hiccups, congested crowds, idiots getting in the way, and so on, but it was worth it.  It was worth every second of waiting in line, boarding and riding it from end to end.

Afterwards, I thought about some of the discussions overhead at the stations and on board.  Many were complaining about what it doesn't do, where it doesn't go, who it doesn't help, and blah blah blah.  It's a start.

But I thought I'd try to respond to some of the views I heard spoke out.

How will it help Virginia Beach residents?

It won't.  They voted to skip out on the offer to join in.  So they don't count.  They have no voice.  They can STFU - or VOTE to change things.  It would help if they showed up at any of the three or four public forums, but only the blue-haired whiners showed up, and ran their mouths against any suggestions to improve traffic congestion.  Why? Because they don't deal with traffic congestion. They stay home, watch TV all day, and get a ride to show up at public forums to bitch about keeping things the way they've been for 50 years.  Progress is evil.

So, none of the other cities wanted to pitch in.  Norfolk decided to go it alone.  They did.  Norfolk has balls.  The other cities do not.  So other city residents have NO rights to complain or even debate what Norfolk decided to do.

Don't like the route?  Tough

Don't like the design? Tough

Don't like the fare system and schedules?  Tough

Why didn't they run it down the center of I-264?

I can't believe I actually heard people argue this in public.  They might as well have yelled out "I'm a complete fucking idiot! Listen to me make a fool of myself!"  Ok, for those folks, here goes:

A. 264 is owned by the State of Virginia, not the City of Norfolk

B. How would stations get access to the rail line and to the adjacent parking areas?  How would that huge "gap" be bridged?  For how much money?  paid for by whom?

C. Who cares.  It's done.  If you can't figure this out on your own, you're just too stupid.

Why didn't they run it on an elevated monorail?

A. Money

B. Lack of Money

C. Norfolk had to go it alone on this

Whatever.  It's a start and I'm excited to see SOMEONE have the balls to try it out after so many decades of being gone from our environment.  Yes, there used to be a public transit rail system in this area back in the day of our grandparents.  But our generation prefers sitting in traffic jams for hours and hours and then coming home late to complain to our family, neighbors, and friends about how bad the traffic is getting.  Yet, when the votes come around they give any alternative a thumbs down.  For you folks: Suck it.

Dumbest Roads in Hampton Roads

Based on a criteria “set” of renaming, routing so on, the following roads are hereby declared as the most stupid in Hampton Roads.  We should rename it "Hamp-dumb Roads" in my insignificant opinion. 

Enjoy:

1. Princess Anne Blvd (Norfolk and Virginia Beach)
• Pay special attention to not only the breaks and renames, but the "East" and "West" parts as well.
2. Southern Blvd (all nine of them)
3. London Bridge / Greak Neck / Drakesmile Rd
4. Providence / Plaza Trail / Little Neck Rd
5. Nimmo Parkway
6. Great Bridge / Kempsville / Witchduck Rd / Pembroke Blvd
7. Lynnhaven Pkwy vs Lynnhaven Rd
8. Haygood Rd / Wishart / Weslyan Dr
9. Waterside / Bousch / Llewellyn Dr
10. Newtown / Diamond Springs Rd

Back Home from Tech-Ed 2011

Atlanta.  Holy cow!  Some basic stuff from the top of my fizzling mental processing stack:

- The Hyatt Regency was crap.  Great staff.  Nice employees.  But the building and the rooms are in bad shape for a place of such high reputation.  I'll spare you the details, but let's just say we envied the folks staying at the Hilton, Omni, and Sheraton.  I could post a list of things that were bad but it's not even worth the effort.

- The Georgia Aquarium is the bomb.  Awesome place.  Whether you want to move around and see things or just sit and chill in front of an enormous wall of sea life moving in front of you, it's worth a trip to Atlanta just for that.

- The World of Coca Cola was "eh".  Mostly a short narrative about the history and some milestones about the company, a lot of nostalgic stuff, then a goofy animation movie (2D, not 3D), and then they release you into an eclectic place with sampling machines of flavors from around the world and then they herd everyone through a giant gift shop with overpriced stuff.  Interesting but not awe-inspiring.  The Aquarium blows it away.

- Max Lagers is fantastic.  Great place with some great beer and a cool old-brick Boston pub atmosphere.  The staff is outstanding and friendly too.

- Georgia World Congress Center: interesting.  BIG. Spread out.  Confusing.  A wide range of restrooms, from itty-bitty things to great big things.  Overall, the restrooms were not very good and poorly designed and not built to handle a massive conference like Tech-Ed.  However, the services staff was outstanding.  Every morning we were greated with a line of cheers and greetings and smiling faces.  All of their staff were helpful and friendly.  That alone overcomes any structural complaints.  The food was pretty decent as well.

- Microsoft's event planning was understated.  How they managed to move 10,000 people from 84 countries from hotels to the GWCC, through breakfast and lunch and expo events is unbelievable.  Nobody really mentioned that, but when you stop to think of what kind of logistical planning that took it is simply incredible.  Everything went smoothly of course.

- Atlanta is a cool town.  Confusing to navigate, but cool.  I hope to revisit again and learn more about the place.

I plan on posting a follow-up on this with more of what I learned and what I did during the week at Tech-Ed 2011.

Happy TSA Friday!

Note:  If you look back in not-too-distant history, you'll find plenty of examples where someone ended a safety study into a particular food additive, or a particular experimental drug, giving it a surprisingly unsubstantiated approval, and then suddenly takes a high-profile job within the company making those products.  It's happened at the FDA many times.  It's happened with the FAA, the NIH, the DOE, and it's practically a daily occurrence within the DoD.  And in every case: the news ignores it.  Nobody hears about it. Nobody cares.

And now it happens again with Michael Chertoff, and again: nobody (aside from Ron Paul) seems to care?  We are the dumbest fucking idiots on this planet.  We feed our kids shit that hasn't been thoroughly tested by people only looking to get a new job and bigger salary.  We hand our elderly and our babies medicines which have not been thoroughly tested, or worse: have been proven to cause known problems but are suppressed from public awareness, simply to allow some inspector or director to take a job at the pharmaceutical firm for a big raise.  Wake up!  Stop taking this shit at face value!  You have a brain.  Use it.

Hampton Roads Progressive Transportation Improvement Plan

Public Referendums, open forums, polls, surveys, election results, all point to the following preferred ways to address the increasing traffic congestion and longer delays on area roadways:

• Additional Highways and By-Passes: No!
• Additional Bridges and Tunnels: No!
• Widening Existing Highways: No!
• Light Rail: No!
• Heavy Rail: No!
• Any Rail: No!
• Additional Bus Routes: No!
• More Bike/Walking Paths: No!
• Star Trek Transporters in every home: Maybe
• Horses and Mules: Maybe

And to cover the costs of implementing any of the above solutions (that is: IF they were to be implemented):

• Tax Increases: No!
• Tolls: No!
• Anonymous sacks of cash left by the roadside by the gods of travel: Maybe

Ahhh, I simply LOVE the sweet smell of progress.  I can feel it all around me like a warm blanket on a cold Winter morning. God help this place if the military ever wakes up and makes the smart choice to disperse their operations to other places (you know, in the way that our forefathers figured out after Pearl Harbor).

(oh, and by the way: You know how you can tell that photo was not taken anywhere near Hampton Roads?  There are more than two buses on the same road)

The Virginia Beach Election Erection Eradication

Yes, I said it.  That’s what it means, and I mean what I said.  Our choices on the ballot this year are a “boner killer”.  A cargo ship laden with Viagra pulling a barge filled with bottles of the best wine, poured by a naked and oiled-up Jenna Jameson can’t overcome this level of crap.  Ok, maybe Jenna alone can, but only if she ran on our ballot.

If you don’t live here, that’s fine.  But if you do live here, and you may chuckle (or just shake your head in disbelief) at the sexual innuendo, but the choices this year are desperately lame.  LAME.  L-A-M-E.

Let’s break down the choices:

Platform…	Glenn Nye (D)	Scott Rigell (R)	Kenny Golden (I)
Jobs Stimulation	Beg the Navy to keep JFCOM alive and keep carriers in Norfolk	Same	Same
Address Transportation Congestion	N/A	N/A	N/A
Basic Platform Message	“Keep jobs by keeping the Navy happy”	“Keep jobs by keeping the Navy happy”	“uhh… what those two guys just said.”
Education Spending	Blah blah	Blah blah	Blah blah
Alternative Energy Investment	Blah blah	Blah blah	Blah blah
Qualifying Experience	Ran around with the Marines	Owned a car dealership	Once had hair
Most Significant Accomplishment in the Past Year	A spiffy new web site	A spiffy new web site	A complete piece of fucking shit web site (but a nice new suit)
Personal Distinctions	Young and Nerdy	Old and Nerdy	Wears Hats
Would I trust to Babysit one of my daughters	No	No	“uh, whatever those guys said.”

As a consequence: I have made a FIRM DECISION (unlike any of these pukes) to skip their vote and vote only on the remainder of choices: Virginia State Constitutional Ammendments, City Council Representatives, and School Board.

As for how I’m voting on the other folks: none of your business.  That’s why they have curtains on voting booths.  Right?  Am I right?

Ok, I’ll clue you in: Our region has some of the worst transportation problems I’ve ever seen in the U.S.  Whoever convinces me they are interested in fixing that (and by they, investing in fixing it, thereby investing in jobs, materials, and helping us in the long term by leaving our children in a better situation…) will get my vote.

Peace.

Unraveling and Re-Raveling Things

Whilst reading “What Technology Wants” by Kevin Kelly (Viking Adult, 2010, ISBN-13: 978-0670022151), I had the idea to pick something in my immediate surroundings and dissect its substance and impact on the world in which we live.  Try it yourself.

I chose our wooden TV stand.  It has doors with hinges, a drawer and is fastened together with nails and screws.

Going downward in the production “chain”:

This object consume trees for the lumber, ore from rocks and mining to smelt into the metals for the nails, screws and hinge parts, petroleum distillates used for the stain, pigments used for the stain, oil for combustion engines and lubrication, brushes of wood and natural fibers for applying the stain, hammers and screwdrivers, saw blades, milling machines, lathes, routers, joiners and planers.  There’s also a bit of wood glue here and there.

People and machines were used to excavate the Earth to extract various types of ore.  Lumberjacks and machines cut down trees for lumber.  Trucks and trains were used to transport the raw materials to factories and mills to be processed further.  From there they were transported to wholesale warehouses to be purchased, loaded and transported again to yet other factories and mills to be further refined.  In each step they employ yet more people and more machines, all the while consuming resources such as electricity, oil, gasoline, propane (forklifts), compressed flammable gases (welding and cutting). 

Oh yeah, the hinge components and some of the screws are Brass, which means they require two types of ore: Copper and Zinc, which are then smelted and merged to form the alloy, which is poured and cast, forged and machined.

That’s just to get everything to the point of someone being able to assemble this thing.

After each part is fabricated, it is packed, which consumes cardboard, plastic wrapping, paper and adhesive plastic tape.  Once packed, it is loaded onto a pallet, the pallets are loaded onto a truck, the truck is driven to a warehouse and unloaded.  From there it may be moved around, using forklifts, electricity and propane, and reloaded onto a truck or train and shipped to distribution centers.  From there the process repeats as the package is shipped to a retail outlet (or directly to a buyer).  Once purchased it is unpacked, assembled, and the packaging is discarded.  The discarded packaging goes into the trash, where it is picked up by city (or private) waste disposal crews, consuming yet more oil and gasoline or Diesel fuel, transported to a landfill or waste processing plant and, consuming more electricity and oil, it is placed into final disposal (land fill, at-sea dumping, incinerated, etc.).

I would say the cardboard is recycled, but I’m not that optimistic.  Some of it is, I’m sure, but most is not.

Are you still with me?  I didn’t think so. But just in case you are…

Now that you have a TV stand, you buy a TV and a DVR to put into it.  Maybe an XBox 360 or PS3 or Wii also, and the games and game cases, and the cables, and…

So, in the end, how many resources and people touched this “process”?

People:

• Ore miners
• Lumberjacks
• Oil Field Workers
• Truck Drivers
• Weigh Station Staff
• Inspectors
• Train Conductors and crew
• Longshoremen
• Forklift operators
• Crane operators
• Ship captains and crew
• Warehouse staff
• Security guards
• Milling Technicians
• Painters and Stainers
• Packaging Staff
• Logistics and Shipping trackers
• Distributor buyers
• Retail buyers
• Retail managers
• Retail Stocking personnel
• The Consumer
• The Garbage Truck driver
• The landfill bulldozer driver or incinerator staff

Resources:

• Lumber
• Saws
• Cranes
• Trucks
• Pulleys (block and tackle)
• Oil
• Wells
• Pumps
• Pipelines
• Ships
• Storage Tanks
• Refineries
• Ore
• Trucks, Excavators, Drills, Conveyors
• Lighting
• Ventilation
• Cast Metal
• Consumes sand/silica
• Oil
• Electricity
• Forged Metal
• Machinery to forge runs on hydraulics and electricity
• Compressed Air cylinders (pneumatic tools)
• Compressed flammable cylinders (welding, cutting)
• Metal for the cylinder
• Contents (from extraction processes: etc.)
• Machinery to fill, seal and test
• Hydraulic Fluid (from oil)
• Rubber (from oil)
• Paint (from oil)
• Distillates and Stains (from oil)
• Brushes (wood, plastic (oil), and natural fibers)
• Nails (forged metal)
• Screws (plastic and forged metal)
• Hammers (wood, forged metal)
• Screwdrivers (manual and automated)
• Cardboard (again from lumber)
• Paper (labels, guides, again from lumber)
• Plastic Wrapping (from oil)
• Plastic Adhesive Tape (from oil)

Have you spotted the dominant ingredient yet?  That’s right: oil.  And where does most of the oil come from to employ for these numerous processes?  That depends.  Some of these items are manufactured in the United States, many are not.  Those that are obtained and refined within the U.S. get most of their oil from the U.S.  The second largest source comes from Canada.  That’s right: Canada.

I could go on much longer, especially just within the realm of foreign produced components, and the resources, labor, transportation, taxation issues that entails.  But I’m drinking a glass of Malbec wine and it sure is damn tasty.  I gotta sign off now.  Cheers!

And Now, It's time for another Rant...

This one is about cell phones and driving.  BUT.  It's not going to be what you expect.

I absolutely, firmly, 110,000 percent-ly, do NOT believe that talking on a cell phone inherently leads to more car accidents.  Stupid ass idiot humans lead to accidents.  I don’t care if you take away every fucking cell phone on this planet.  The number of car accidents will not drop even 1 percent.

There are two reasons for this and I will dive into each with zeal.

The first item I have to complain about is the assumption, perception and expectation that just by talking on a phone you are somehow incapable of doing anything else.  If this were true, every airline pilot would have crashed at least once.  Every bomb technician with a headset microphone on would be a vaporous memory.  Every courtroom stenographer would be fired and working at a fast food drive-through.  Every fast-food drive-through person (oops, I meant to spell that “Drive Thru”, my bad.  Gotta keep up our American, oops ‘merican’, appearance after all) every drive thru clerk would be fired.  Not just one or two or a few, or even some, but ALL of them.  Using this idiotic irrational “logic”, all such persons would not be able to function at all.  These are just some examples of people who’s job requires them to maintain a conversation while performing tasks of dexterity.

Yes, Virginia, humans, on occassion, can do two things at once.  It’s call “NORMAL FUNCTIONING” by the way.  I propose that those who cannot walk and talk at the same time are in the minority of the human population.  Our modern day penchant for protecting and empowering the stupid, even though it violates the laws of nature, makes us feel ashamed to call anyone an idiot in an institutional sense.  In person, yes.  As a matter of policy or categorical claim, never.  We’ve become too chickenshit to admit when the kid with his pants falling down while strolling across a busy highway without looking for oncoming traffic is, in all seriousness, in complete fact, a total fucking idiot.  “Oh no!  You did NOT just say that?!  I can’t believe my ears!!!”

I said it.  And so should you.

Using the same rationale Lil’ Wayne LaPierre uses, which is “guns don’t kill people. people kill people”, I hereby claim that cellphones don’t cause wrecks, people do.

And now for the second part of my irrational rationalization, which is that humans are inherently stupid as shit anyway, so that negates my quasi-logical basis of giving them credit before earning it.  What does this mean?  Good question…

Take away their cell phones, and they will put their poodle on their lap with its painted paws on the steering wheel.  They actually get their little claws, oops, “nails”, painted now you know.  Even with rhinestone and zirconium sequens which dazzle the masses to no end.  They look especially stylish smeared along a guard rail surrounded by pieces of car parts.  Take away the poodle?  They read books, magazines, fold-out road maps, newspapers.  They tinker with the GPS thing stuck on the dash or windshield.  They tinker with the radio, or their iPod.  They eat.  They put on makeup.  They primp their hair.  They fall asleep.

Some people cannot operate a phone and pick their nose at the same time.  I can.  I can do that and roll the window down and insult fellow idiot drivers for their stupid actions as well.

Am I suggesting we abolish laws against driving while talking on cell phones?  No.  But I am saying that the laws will do absolutely nothing whatsoever.  People are still going to do stupid crap while pretending to drive.  But some of us talk all the time and have NEVER had a close call as a result.  I’ve never run through a red light due to talking on a cell phone.  I’ve run red lights while screaming at my kids in the back seat to tell them stop fighting.  Are we going to outlaw more than one kid in a car?  Are we going to outlaw kids arguing?  Are we going to outlaw dogs in the front seat of cars?

No.

Becase we’re Americans and we’re proud of our stupid behavior.  That’s why we drive around with “Proud to be an American” stickers with American flags and “USA all the Way” stickers, while we toss cigarette butts and trash out the window.  It’s our way of showing how much we love our land.  The pride we take in it.  And talking on cell phones shouldn’t be a privilege only for the intelligent folks who know how to use them, but it should be a God-given right for the simpletons in our midst as well. We vote them into office, so it’s the least we can do.

Now, after reading this, hopefully you come away with one simple thought in your head:

Airline pilots with poodles in their laps, putting on lipstick in the mirror.  :)

Todays Question: Biker Tricks Gone Bad

So, you're driving in your 4-wheeled vehicular contraption on a nice, sunny, warm day in busy traffic.  You look to your left and you see a gang of "rice rocket" bikers holding up the cars behind them so their friend in the front has room to pop a wheelie and show off for the onlookers.  Except that his little trick ends in the back of a stopped truck.  Poor little tattooed biker dude all over the road with this little playmates standing around in a support circle.  Little pieces of motorcycle spilled all over the pavement.  And that poor truck bumper, it's, well…, it has a terrible scratch on it. Almost 3 inches long!  But you have to look real close to see it.

Do you…

A) Feel sadness and remorse

B) Stare with curious interest and fascination

C) Laugh hysterically with your head completely outside your window

D) Offer some advice for doing proper wheelies for when he recovers in a few months

???

It's 2010, and I just Cannot Understand why…

… desktop PC's are still so friggin bulky and oafish.  Why can't they be smaller like a pack of playing cards?  They can.  They will.  Just not soon enough.

… electric cars have taken so long to … , oh wait, nevermind, they're still not on ANY lots within 100 miles of where I live.

… people still listen to politicians.  Why they still act surprised with they fail to deliver on their campaign promises.  Why they believe one party is going to help them more than the other.

… American homeowners still bother maintaining a lawn (instead of replacing it with rocks or something pretty and doesn't require labor, gas, oil, time and more time)

… 1040 tax forms are still stupidly over complicated

… metro WiFi still hasn't taken off across the U.S.

… anyone drinking beer worries about carbs or calories.  Wrong hobby!

… Americans love patting themselves on the back and saying "we're number 1!" when we're not and it's not helping us get back to "number 1" either.

… teenage boys think it looks cool to wear pants hanging off their ass with their boxers hanging outside.

… watching football is "manly" but watching the cheerleaders isn't.

… NASCAR is considered a "sport"

… anyone watches "reality" TV shows

Why Americans Can't Drive for Shit and What Can Be Done to Fix It

The real reason Americans can't drive is that they hold NO value for a driver's license.  They are way to easy and cheap to obtain, so they have no value.  It takes too many violations to suspend or revoke one also.  How many times do we all hear the news report about a drunk driver killing someone and then they tell us the driver had a history of drunk driving?

How this dilemna can be fixed:

• Make a driver's license more expensive to obtain.  Maybe $500
• Make the driver's test much more difficult and lengthy.
• Make it a moving violation to toss trash from any vehicle (moving or not)
• Issue them on a one year probationary period.  ANY moving violation revokes them.
• Allow ten (10) non-moving and (3) moving violations per driver lifetime.  Revoke the license when either limit is reached

This will absolutely NEVER happen.  Why?  Because car manufacturers, car dealers, gas stations, oil companies, tire companies, auto parts vendors, would all stand to lose money.  It's in their interest to keep the roads filled with drivers, no matter how badly they operate deadly machinery.

In Spite of Technology: These Things have NOT Improved

Things that have not improved at all, in spite of technological advances over the past 5 decades:

1. Making toast
2. Boiling water
3. Brushing teeth
4. Treating Jellyfish stings
5. Mowing the lawn
6. Bathing a dog
7. Rush hour traffic
8. Combating insects
9. Changing car oil
10. Dealing with "customer service"
11. Painting the inside of a house yourself
12. Roofing
13. Patching holes in asphalt roads
14. Wiping your ____
15. Delivering the mail

The New Chargers, Challengers, Mustangs and Camaros

In a word: yawn

I'm sorry, but there's nothing amazing or impressive about them. They all look alike.  They scream "I am trying to be like every other guy with the same car".  Even the colors are too common.  I can't drive five miles without passing six red Mustangs, six orange Challengers, or six black Camaros.  Bo-ring!

I am 46 years old.  I can remember when people in America relished the idea of being different.  Being unique. Expressing individuality.  Those days are DEAD.  Every guy in his 20's has the same tired barbed wire tattoo.  The same hair cut.  The same piercings and gauging of the ears.  The same everything.  It's worn out!  Tatoos used to mean something.  They used to spark a tiny sense of danger and interest in those that saw them, because they were UN-common.  Now they simply mean the person had $300 and some time to spare.  Period.  The same is now true for cars.

In the 1970's and 1980's every neighborhood had at least two guys that would tear-down and rebuild muscle cars.  They'd put their own unique touch on it.  From the engine to the drive train, the interior and most definitely the paint job.  That is a vanishing art.  The new trend is buying it off the showroom floor.  Factory stamped "custom" crap that feeds an apetite like a plate of hot wings at Hooters.

I saw a Lotus Elise pass me in Town Center, Virginia Beach.  Not the most powerful or fastest car, but damn if it's not sexy looking.  Tangerine orange too.  Not utility truck orange like Dodge uses.  And no stupid-ass black "racing" stripe either.  Just a sweet looking car, and an un-common car at that.  And what really hit me was watching how even the most car-ignorant passers-by reacted to the sight of it by the curb.  Women in particular were just blown away.  I have NEVER seen reactions like that for even a mint '62 Corvette.

I've Had Better Days Driving Home

Driving home usually takes me 35 minutes from office parking lot to my driveway.  Today it took an hour and 5 minutes.  I spent 40 minutes standing perfectly still.  Engine off.  Basking in the 100 F "breeze" on the bridge.  Couldn't run the A/C because I was low on gas.