If I was a Billionaire...

I know this is going to sound a bit trite, maybe even glib, or just like outright bullshit, but whatever. One of my biggest dreams has always been to have the means by which to build things to make a better place to live for those around me. I'm talking about the kinds of things that require massive funding.

This isn't a new idea, obviously. Plenty of American philanthropists have done amazing things over the past four hundred plus years. To me, having cool toys would be nice, and I would definitely collect a few; but spending some of that money on making the area more fun and livable would make me feel more content and fulfilled. Just sayin.  The one big difference here is that I'm anything BUT a philanthropist.

Having more or less planted my roots in the area of southeast Virginia, I feel like I could target things more effectively here than elsewhere. I know the nay-sayers will argue that much of this is unattainable or impractical, but fuck them. I'm sick of hearing about what can't be done. Every big idea and big project in this country's history has had it's share of push-back. From national parks, to interstate highways, to the space program. Even Ben Franklin was laughed at when he suggested we implement public schools and libraries. Besides, my list isn't all that pie-in-the-sky really.

So here's my "top ten" list of things I would build or improve around here, if I had the means to do so:

1. Build/expand a unified light rail system throughout the seven cities. Connecting all military bases, shipyards, airports, schools, public venues, parks, oceanfront, and shopping centers. Find a way to make it cheap to use, maybe free, and yet self-sustaining.

2. Build or expand several large parks, so they would be capable of supporting mountain biking and hiking, with hills and interesting features.  Trucking in some dirt and big rocks could make a lot of places more interesting and fun to use.

3. Expand and build more biking/hiking trails that would make it possible to ride or hike between, and throughout, all of the local cities and to Richmond, and/or Raleigh.

4. Implement public broadband and WiFi. Gigabit to every neighborhood, library, school and so on.

5. Fund a program so every dog and cat can get spayed and neutered, and get their required shots for free.

6. Push hard (REAL hard) to end the ban on sliding down hills when it snows.  You can "swim at your own risk" but you can't slide at your own risk? It's completely retarded.

People having fun on snow - illegal in Virginia Beach

7. Build a high-speed rail line from here out to Richmond, Raleigh and connect up with Acela to form a line along the coast passing through here.

8. Expand local scholarship programs so local students who prove themselves by grades and financial need can attend local colleges and universities.

9. Fund programs to offer more incentives to military families to remain in the area after ending their service. Jobs, schooling, housing, tax breaks, whatever.

10. ?? (I'd leave this one open for future ideas)

Dumbest Roads in Hampton Roads

Based on a criteria “set” of renaming, routing so on, the following roads are hereby declared as the most stupid in Hampton Roads.  We should rename it "Hamp-dumb Roads" in my insignificant opinion. 

Enjoy:

1. Princess Anne Blvd (Norfolk and Virginia Beach)
• Pay special attention to not only the breaks and renames, but the "East" and "West" parts as well.
2. Southern Blvd (all nine of them)
3. London Bridge / Greak Neck / Drakesmile Rd
4. Providence / Plaza Trail / Little Neck Rd
5. Nimmo Parkway
6. Great Bridge / Kempsville / Witchduck Rd / Pembroke Blvd
7. Lynnhaven Pkwy vs Lynnhaven Rd
8. Haygood Rd / Wishart / Weslyan Dr
9. Waterside / Bousch / Llewellyn Dr
10. Newtown / Diamond Springs Rd

When 1 + 1 = 0

Once upon a time (uh oh, here goes another fairy-ish tale beginning?), there was a state government who, in their quest to cut expenses, decided it was time to outsource their IT operations to a commerical contractor.  Everything about it made sense to the financial folks, who, after all are the brains behind most corporate/government braintrusts.  The reduced benefits structuring costs, the eliminated pensions, the laisse faire employment tenants, all combined with an existing "work-at-will" legal framework, made it a no-brainer.  So the wheels were set in motion.

But there were two major problems this created, which led to yet more problems.

First, the financial golf-player suit guys didn't think it was necessary to involve the IT management folks in their decision-making process.  Technical folks obviously do not possess any useful wisdom for making decisions that impact technical operations.  That domain belongs to the MBA/CPA folks.  So they marched onward and when the plan was catalyzed into full momentum, they generously informed their propellor-capped brethren of their wonderous idea.  The net result of this was a mass exodus of those that were either ready to retired, or possessed the skills and experience to land another job quickly.  The life rafts were left with the lesser skilled and unlucky.  Floating adrift in a void economy as they watched their ship of achievements slowly sink below the rough seas.

Second, with the turmoil of the markets of the time (2007-2008), the chosen contractor was dealing with their own contractions in the Washington D.C. metro area.  Contracts were drying up faster than Joan Rivers' vagina in the desert, and jobs were being cut at a dizzying pace.  Ok, maybe that wasn't nice to say about Joan, but she's not known for being nice to anyone, is she?  And besides: they have medication for that now I'm told.  Ok, moving along…   So, when the last bastion of workforce in the DC area was staring into the abyss, they were calmly told to consider jumping onto the impending state IT contract, or close their eyes and jump, hoping for the best.  Again, those that had the skills and experience to market themselves were off to greener pastures.  The rest were left to consider relocation or sucking on the end of a double-barrel vacation.

The vortex this spun created a combination of the left-behind and the left-behind.  Those motivated by fear with those motivated by fear.  You get the picture.  What sort of "quality" meal might anyone with even an eighth of a functional brain expect to see from such ingredients?  Well, you get this.

To be fair, it's incorrect, inaccurate and illogical to extend the blame of this on other parts of either of these institutions.  The storm is relatively focused and distinct.  It resides in Richmond.  Unfortunately, the ship captains have not yet realized the detrimental impacts this boondoggle has had on their respective marketing efforts.  Their credibility is being picked apart by their competitors, the media, and to some extent the public.  For example, even today (January 2, 1011) the Virginia Dept of Motor Vehicles (DMV) web site is out of commission, as it has been for quite some time.  The reduction in DMV brick-and-mortar locations was pushed by the demand for cost reductions and increased leverage of online services.  Now that these online services are offline, and there are fewer physical locations across the state, the net result is an ugly day at work for many DMV workers.

So, I ask that - whether you are yourself a financial MBA/CPA golfer suit wearing person, or if you know one, that you print out several copies of this article, roll them up into a tight bundled tube, encase it with several turns of duct tape, grip it tightly and beat the living shit out of anyone who says the word "outsource" in a positive tone.  Be sure to follow that up with "and a Happy New Year to you!"

5 Uncomfortable Truths about Hampton Roads

 

1. As much as this area tries to pretend otherwise, it really is all about the military

2. Virginia Beach citizens HATE the idea of mass transit

3. We will never become a real “metropolitan” region.

4. None of the cities really like each other.  They hate being lumped into a common name like “Hampton Roads” or “Tidewater” (yeck!)

5. Imitation is the sincerest form of admitting defeat.

What’s Wrong with Hampton Roads Transit (HRT)

Having been a regular bus rider for quite some time, I have intimate experience with what works and what does not, when it comes to our “mass transit” bus services. 

The list of what’s wrong far outweighs the positive aspects at this point, but I’m hopeful that over time it will improve.  The positive aspects are that it’s (a) relatively cheap to use and (b) not usually crowded.

This is with regards to the “Max” service, which is intended to provide express service between major population zones and across city boundaries.  I seriously doubt it will improve in the next five (5) years, but maybe Elvis is still alive and will help them out.

1. Routes are incomplete and inefficient
   You cannot take a bus between many of the most densely populated areas to other densely populated areas without driving in a car to get to at least one of the endpoints.  If you want to take a bus from middle Virginia Beach to Newport News get ready for 2-1/2 to 3 hours of riding and multiple stops and at least one route change (a wait at a stop for another bus).  Some major stations have no direct links or even shuttles to connect them (e.g. Silverleaf and Indian River).
2. Routes are Not Tiered
   This might seem like a repeat of the above, but actually it’s synergistic (don’t you love that word!?).  The route structure should be based on a rigorous, reliable skeleton or “core” route service that runs independent of feeder routes.  The timing of the feeder routes should be carefully coordinated so that it jibes with the core system without making riders wait more than 15 minutes at most.  In other words, you should be able to hop on a feeder bus in Pungo or Poquoson, get off at a stop and catch a core system bus to get across the water to another city, hop on another feeder bus and at no point in the middle wait more than 10-15 minutes for the next bus.  You cannot do that right now.  Other cities have been doing this for years.
3. Stop Locations are poorly planned
   Most of the Max stops, other than “transit centers” are in shopping center parking lots or on main streets, located in such a way as to require the drivers to maneuver tricky and tight turns to loop around and park appropriately to allow riders to load and unload.  Stops should be positioned to avoid positioning maneuvers and U-turns as a top priority.  If the bus has to make an awkward turn-around at a stop to continue on the route, the stop should be moved.
4. Paper Fare Cards.  No Reuse
   It’s 2009.  Someone didn’t get the memo about being “green” and “eco-friendly”.  Daily-use, throw-away paper fare cards are a slap in the face of this entire mindset.  Not very smart of their marketing department (if they even have a marketing department).  How about a plastic, re-usable fare card?  Maybe one that can be reloaded everywhere you currently purchase the paper cards.  Maybe even a reason to go to their crappy web site and reload (might actually increase traffic and give reason to sell advertising space on the site!  Imagine that!)
5. Poorly Maintained Equipment
   While standing around at the “transit centers” I often see the drivers get out, walk around, and crawl under their bus looking for whatever is making a strange noise.  At least once per week, when stopping mid-route, the engine will die and the driver will have to restart it.  Not very reassuring.  Often the marquee is wrong and the driver can do nothing to correct it (wrong route number usually).
6. Merged Traffic
   Technically, this is technically not HRT’s fault.  It’s the fault of city traffic planners and VDOT.  Putting buses in the same horrific mess as all the moronic car “drivers” (using the term loosely here) does nothing to make the bus more efficient.  It simply offers riders the chance to take a nap and save on gas money (depending upon the price of gas and their vehicle MPG rating).  At least on the main arteries like I-64, I-264, I-664, etc. they should add a dedicated bus lane.
7. Wasted Marketing Potential
   No “specials” or incentive discounts are offered beyond the same-old tired senior citizen and military/student discounts.  How about special deals where they partner with shopping centers to cross promote?  This is not new.  Been around for decades and it works VERY well.  I believe the phrase used for this is “a win-win”.  If I have to explain this, forget it.
8. Single Purpose Stops are Dumb
   Partner with fast food and quick-shop businesses to surround your stops with something for people to do (buy) while they wait.  Maybe these could be the same businesses you cross market with (see number 7) for cross-incentive marketing.  “Shop here, get $1 off your next ride.  Buy a 10 pack of tickets, get $5 off your next purchase at __”.  Duh?
9. Diversify
   Forget waiting on the cities to pull their thumbs out of their asses.  By the time they make a decision about true “mass transit” solutions, they will have spent all their budgets consultants and studies and nothing will ever be constructed.  Municipalities are bound by federal, state and local restrictions that private businesses often can circumvent.  Not always, but more than otherwise.  Just buy up property, build the stupid light-rail/mono-rail/whatever-rail between all the key points in the region (not just within a single city) and enlist the participation of retail and food merchants to make the system profitable.  It can be done.  It’s called “vision”.  Stop asking everyone for consensus.  If they asked everyone how to build the Interstate system, it wouldn’t exist today.

Hampton Roads - Interested in a Microsoft Users Group?

If you live in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia and are interested in joining a Microsoft users group, please take a minute to fill-out a short survey? If you live or work in Hampton, Newport News, Williamsburg, Yorktown, Chesapeake, Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Portsmouth, Suffolk or close-by, we need your input!

I'm looking to form a users group that would meet monthly on either the peninsula or the southside (depending upon what the survey data shows). This group would be open to anyone that wants to attend without any fees. The topics will be defined by what we collect from survey input. The benefits of participating in a users group are many. From learning about new products and technologies, to networking with your peers, to expanding your skills and understanding of diverse environments, and much more. Whether you are a home user, a student, a full-time employee, an IT professional or just curious about Microsoft products and services, now is your chance to join in.

Please click HERE to fill-out the survey

The Weather Sucks Today

It followed back from Seattle to Virginia it seems. Cold, gray, windy and rainy. Equal portions mixed in the blender from Hell. Great day for eating or drinking something hot and staying indoors. I have David Benoit playing throughout the house, so that's my budgetary substitute for not having a real fireplace to sit around. Someday. Someday.