Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Virginia Beach Election Erection Eradication

Yes, I said it.  That’s what it means, and I mean what I said.  Our choices on the ballot this year are a “boner killer”.  A cargo ship laden with Viagra pulling a barge filled with bottles of the best wine, poured by a naked and oiled-up Jenna Jameson can’t overcome this level of crap.  Ok, maybe Jenna alone can, but only if she ran on our ballot.

If you don’t live here, that’s fine.  But if you do live here, and you may chuckle (or just shake your head in disbelief) at the sexual innuendo, but the choices this year are desperately lame.  LAME.  L-A-M-E.

Let’s break down the choices:

Platform… Glenn Nye (D) Scott Rigell (R) Kenny Golden (I)
Jobs Stimulation Beg the Navy to keep JFCOM alive and keep carriers in Norfolk Same Same
Address Transportation Congestion N/A N/A N/A
Basic Platform Message “Keep jobs by keeping the Navy happy” “Keep jobs by keeping the Navy happy” “uhh… what those two guys just said.”
Education Spending Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah
Alternative Energy Investment Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah
Qualifying Experience Ran around with the Marines Owned a car dealership Once had hair
Most Significant Accomplishment in the Past Year A spiffy new web site A spiffy new web site A complete piece of fucking shit web site (but a nice new suit)
Personal Distinctions Young and Nerdy Old and Nerdy Wears Hats
Would I trust to Babysit one of my daughters No No “uh, whatever those guys said.”

As a consequence: I have made a FIRM DECISION (unlike any of these pukes) to skip their vote and vote only on the remainder of choices: Virginia State Constitutional Ammendments, City Council Representatives, and School Board.

As for how I’m voting on the other folks: none of your business.  That’s why they have curtains on voting booths.  Right?  Am I right?

Ok, I’ll clue you in: Our region has some of the worst transportation problems I’ve ever seen in the U.S.  Whoever convinces me they are interested in fixing that (and by they, investing in fixing it, thereby investing in jobs, materials, and helping us in the long term by leaving our children in a better situation…) will get my vote.


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