If I was a Billionaire...

I know this is going to sound a bit trite, maybe even glib, or just like outright bullshit, but whatever. One of my biggest dreams has always been to have the means by which to build things to make a better place to live for those around me. I'm talking about the kinds of things that require massive funding.

This isn't a new idea, obviously. Plenty of American philanthropists have done amazing things over the past four hundred plus years. To me, having cool toys would be nice, and I would definitely collect a few; but spending some of that money on making the area more fun and livable would make me feel more content and fulfilled. Just sayin.  The one big difference here is that I'm anything BUT a philanthropist.

Having more or less planted my roots in the area of southeast Virginia, I feel like I could target things more effectively here than elsewhere. I know the nay-sayers will argue that much of this is unattainable or impractical, but fuck them. I'm sick of hearing about what can't be done. Every big idea and big project in this country's history has had it's share of push-back. From national parks, to interstate highways, to the space program. Even Ben Franklin was laughed at when he suggested we implement public schools and libraries. Besides, my list isn't all that pie-in-the-sky really.

So here's my "top ten" list of things I would build or improve around here, if I had the means to do so:

1. Build/expand a unified light rail system throughout the seven cities. Connecting all military bases, shipyards, airports, schools, public venues, parks, oceanfront, and shopping centers. Find a way to make it cheap to use, maybe free, and yet self-sustaining.

2. Build or expand several large parks, so they would be capable of supporting mountain biking and hiking, with hills and interesting features.  Trucking in some dirt and big rocks could make a lot of places more interesting and fun to use.

3. Expand and build more biking/hiking trails that would make it possible to ride or hike between, and throughout, all of the local cities and to Richmond, and/or Raleigh.

4. Implement public broadband and WiFi. Gigabit to every neighborhood, library, school and so on.

5. Fund a program so every dog and cat can get spayed and neutered, and get their required shots for free.

6. Push hard (REAL hard) to end the ban on sliding down hills when it snows.  You can "swim at your own risk" but you can't slide at your own risk? It's completely retarded.

People having fun on snow - illegal in Virginia Beach

7. Build a high-speed rail line from here out to Richmond, Raleigh and connect up with Acela to form a line along the coast passing through here.

8. Expand local scholarship programs so local students who prove themselves by grades and financial need can attend local colleges and universities.

9. Fund programs to offer more incentives to military families to remain in the area after ending their service. Jobs, schooling, housing, tax breaks, whatever.

10. ?? (I'd leave this one open for future ideas)

Hampton Roads Progressive Transportation Improvement Plan

Public Referendums, open forums, polls, surveys, election results, all point to the following preferred ways to address the increasing traffic congestion and longer delays on area roadways:

• Additional Highways and By-Passes: No!
• Additional Bridges and Tunnels: No!
• Widening Existing Highways: No!
• Light Rail: No!
• Heavy Rail: No!
• Any Rail: No!
• Additional Bus Routes: No!
• More Bike/Walking Paths: No!
• Star Trek Transporters in every home: Maybe
• Horses and Mules: Maybe

And to cover the costs of implementing any of the above solutions (that is: IF they were to be implemented):

• Tax Increases: No!
• Tolls: No!
• Anonymous sacks of cash left by the roadside by the gods of travel: Maybe

Ahhh, I simply LOVE the sweet smell of progress.  I can feel it all around me like a warm blanket on a cold Winter morning. God help this place if the military ever wakes up and makes the smart choice to disperse their operations to other places (you know, in the way that our forefathers figured out after Pearl Harbor).

(oh, and by the way: You know how you can tell that photo was not taken anywhere near Hampton Roads?  There are more than two buses on the same road)

I had WAY too much time on my hands

This was something I did quite some time ago, but last weekend I went back and neatened it up a bit.  What is it?  Good question:

It’s a draft of what a rail-system (aka light rail) would likely have to resemble in order to be remotely useful to the people in Hampton Roads, Virginia.  If you don’t know what Hampton Roads is, or live anywhere near it, don’t bother.  It wouldn’t make any sense to you.  But if you do…

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?msa=0&msid=106594082281787636274.0004759a491ba30be0478&ct=onebox&cd=20&cad=docsearch,cid:4241414345656300890&geocode=FSg2MQId1X53-w

All of this is moot anyway.  The concept of a rail system connecting more than even two cities, in the next 20 years, is about as likely as me shitting out a cruise missile with Goofy and Mickey hanging onto it.  This area HATES mass transit.  They want cars and crappy roads and bottlenecks, because it gives everyone something to constantly bitch about.  I used to believe people here really wanted a better way to get around.  Scratch that: just a way to get around, period.  Rather than sitting still on backed-up bridges and tunnels and merge lanes and exit ramps, every morning, every evening, even holiday, weekend, lunch hour, and sprinkle or flake dropping.

I was wrong.  Apparently, surveys have shown that very few care about this situation.  Most believe it is as it should be and that it should not be changed, because change is bad.  The slogan here is “yes, we can, but no we won’t”.  If you’re looking for common sense here, keep moving on.  Nothing to see here.

Virginia Beach: If I could only pick 5 projects

If I had the magic checkbook and could assign any 5 projects to be embarked upon without regard to cost…

1. A combination Light Rail and Bus system that not only follows the Norfolk-Southern abandoned rail (East-West parallel to I-264), but branches out to form a circuit that encompasses all of Virginia Beach.  Everyone should be within walking distance of mass transit without waiting hours between pick-ups.

2. Walk-over bridges around Town Center, at Rosemont, and at various points along the oceanfront.  Get people off the habit of walking in front of cars, which as you may know can be hazardous to the health of pedestrians.

3. Connect all the bike paths and add new paths.  Get the freaking idiot “I’m a car too, watch me” bicyclists off the road and onto their own pathways.  Make it possible to cross the city without risking your life along the way.

4. Beef up the parks.  Mount Trashmore should have a performance stage, more benches, wider paths (so joggers can get around slow-poke walkers, strollers, etc.), keep the carnival there all Summer long, expand the skate park, add path lights on the western perimeter, and so on.  Other parks should get similar treatment.

5. Replace Pembroke Mall.  Build a bigger, fancier, cooler, awesomer mall.  It should combine all the cool things of other malls around the country.

Bonus: Offer up better incentives to entice high-tech industry to move into the area.  Not talking about call centers.  I’m talking about manufacturing, software development, and R&D.  We let a lot of talented ex-military folks slip through our fingers.  We should give them a better reason to stick around than just the beach.

Big Dig or Big Drain

Boston had their "Big Dig" project. Norfolk (Virginia) has their "Big Drain", which is their vaporware "lite rail" project. This is a project that has been delayed more times than Fred Thompson's presidential bid. What's worse, is that they're completely ignoring the existence of an existing, abandoned, but intact heavy rail line that connects downtown Norfolk to NOB Naval base, to Virginia Beach oceanfront, and extends around through Chesapeake. Reinventing the wheel is what matters most to them. What a f-ing stupid mess.