By The Numbers

Updated stats for my feeble social nutwork activities over the past 30 days.

Activity	Blog	Google+	Twitter	Facebook
Posts by Me	38	92	4,482	0
Replies / Responses	15	73	116	0
Unsolicited Contacts	0	0	4	0
Followers / Friends	7	98	79	71
Site Visits	2,673	?	?	?
Reposts / Retweets

As you can see, I do a LOT more talking than I get talked to.  That says a lot.  Sometimes seeing numbers in plain view has an impact like nothing else.  Heck, ask any MBA what kind of hard-on they get over Excel pivot tables and 3D color graphs.  It's like talking about Heroin in the company of Keith Richards.  Like my momma always said: if you don't have something important to say, enter politics.  No, she said something to the effect of "If you don't have something meaningful and important to say, it's probably noise."  I need to shut up and reserved my blabbering for when it really matters.

This kind of jibes with my stated plan to retire this blog at the end of this year.  I haven't really missed Facebook at all.  I get tired of Twitter and walk away from it, but as soon as I see something stupid in public, I want to tweet about it.  G+ started out really cool and has a nice mature feeling to it, but it seems a lot of the people I converse with are visiting it less often every week.  I'm no Dr. Phill, but I can diagnose my condition as trying to reconcile a lack of "real" social interaction with online interaction, and it obviously ain't working like my subconcious idiot brain assumed it would.  The problem for me is that I like to talk and write, and write about talking.  I write a lot of code and a lot of email messages, so it kind of carries through I suppose.  I'll have to figure out a way to let off steam without boring people to death or wearing out my welcome.

In the meantime, between now and December, 24, 2011, I am going to strive to post less often and practice the art of shutting the hell up.  Maybe I'll divert my energy towards more reading.

Ignoring the Obvious

The term “organic” occasionally gets tossed into conversation with regards to software architecture/design.  The basic concept is to make the software behave as though it sprung from Mother Nature, rather than a herd of Monster-swilling, Skittles-munching teenage kids with headphones on rocking out to the latest neo-punk and rave tunes.  PhD engineers spend considerable time trying to concoct things that appear organic.  A common example is Apple, but that’s much too narrow.

The best way to determine if something is organic, in my stupidly-humble opinion, is to look at how complicated or problematic something is in the eye of the user community.  That sounds pretty vague, I know, because it is vague.

Maybe if I pointed at two examples to contrast it will make more sense?  How about comparing System Center Configuration Manager (CM) 2007 and Windows Server Update Services (WSUS) 3.0.  If you skim through the various discussion groups and gather a sampling of the kinds of things that tend to confound users, new and old, and apply some basic trending, you’ll no doubt come to the conclusion that CM is a bit tougher to master than WSUS.  Granted, there are more moving parts and more things to consider for CM than for WSUS, but if you then take that a step further and compare the pain points from CM 2007 with the new features in CM 2012 you will see that the smarter engineers are looking at the same things to determine where to focus their efforts on the “next release” of their given product.

User Experience (UX) analysis is not a new art.  It’s been around for decades.  In fact, if you broaden your scope a bit, it’s been around for centuries.  But specifically within the software engineering world, it only comes up in small circles of discussion.  It often gets (unfairly) lumped in with User Interface (UI) Design and analysis.  That is misleading and very often completely misses the point.  User Experience is just what it says “User Experience”.  That definition goes way beyond UI analysis.  It also includes secondary and tertiary aspects of the behavior of a software product or technology, such as command line, format interchange, troubleshooting processes, deployment, licensing, configuration management, yada yada.

So, how then do most software companies tackle UX analysis?  Good question.  The answer is that every company has evolved their own methods.  There is rarely any standard, even with text books and professional groups trying to derive some common ground.  Some of the generally accepted methods are:

• Beta trials, Previews, and so on
• Anonymous surveys
• Focus groups

The problem with these is that they don’t shine the full spectrum of light onto the gamut of issues and aspects involved with charting a software design direction.  It’s like walking into a class room and confronting a student with questions about a subject, as opposed to listening passively to a conversation between the students about the same subject.  The end result will almost always be ENTIRELY different.  I could cite other examples, but you should get the point by now.  I’m not saying that the assertive approach isn’t worth using, but it’s not going to yield comprehensive results.

The “obvious” term in the post title is aimed at what is most often missed.  Most vendors have online discussion forums, even Facebook pages (soon, maybe, even Google+ pages?), but discussion forums and open/public sites (like MyItForum.com) are golden opportunities for vendors to peak into the lives of their user community and see, directly, first-hand, what their customers find most challenging, most daunting, most annoying. It’s almost like being a fly on the wall.  Yet I am surprised at how few vendors take advantage of this opportunity.  Most are still focused on the three assertive methods I listed above, even though they have their own user-community discussion forums. 

I often wonder if it might help to have a dedicated section in most vendor discussion forums called “Bitching and Gripes” and let users get it off their chests.  Sure – there will be a lot of useless noise – but there will also be some golden nuggets to pluck and make use of.  I don’t know.  It sometimes feels like vendors have lost the art of communicating with their customers.  Customers want to talk, just let them, and then make use of it.

Flawed Logic: The All-American Sport

I used to say that the "All-American" sport was tossing trash from car windows.  Then I thought it was swallowing spoon-fed philosphy and values (without looking at the spoon).  These are still top-ranked American sports.  But now I rank them at #2 and #3 respectively.  By the way, #4 and #5 are Passing Judgement and Fantasy Football, in that order.

The number 1 All-American Sport is Contradictory Logic.

Acceptable	Not Acceptable
Smoking Cigarettes	Smoking Marijuana
Drinking Beer, Liquor	Drinking Four Loco
Buying Lottery Tickets	Poker, Gambling
Voting	Gambling
TV: Stabbing, Shooting, Amputation, Gore, Violence	TV: Naked boobies
Different Insurance Rates for Men and Women	Different Insurance Rates for Healthy vs Fat Smokers
Black History Month	White History Month
Spanish Phone Menus	Asian Phone Menus
Put Your Dying Dog to Sleep	Put Your Dying Grandfather to Sleep
Seat Belts in Cars	Seat Belts on Busses and Motorcycles
Pilots License at 14	Drivers License at 14
Driver Lessons Before License	Gun Lessons Before License
Driving While Eating, With Dog in Lap, Putting on Make-up	Driving with Cell Phone
4x4 Lift-Kit Truck with High-Beams behind you at Traffic Light	Rear-facing High Beams
Hardees Thickburger	Whole Milk
Invading Other Countries	Other Countries Invading Us
Criticizing Foreign Human Rights Violations	Foreigners Criticizing Our Human Rights Violations
Saying America is "Number 1" in Everything	Admitting America is Only "Number 1" for Obesity
Saying Your Church/Synogogue/Mosque is "Open To All Other Religions"	Actually Reading the Scriptures of Other Religions
Watching Dancing With The Stars	Dancing
Watching Monday Night Football	Playing Football

A Worthwhile Idea?

I had an idea that I need to vett in public to know if it’s worth pursuing.

Challenge:

The Hampton Roads area of Virginia has been neglected by technology vendors for years.  Few ever bother to show up and demonstrate their products, provide presentations or collaborative sessions.  Folks here that want that sort of thing have to drive to Washington, D.C. usually, if lucky maybe Richmond.  Most employers can’t afford to send their tech staff to conferences in NY, Chicago, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Orlando, etc.  So we’re left to view web sites, videos, and maybe books.  Sharing ideas is a matter of personal connections, blogs, web forums, and that’s about it.  This is the Siberia of technology-related community.

Proposal:

Gather technology folks from various idioms to present topics at one place, maybe once per year, at some place like the VB Convention Center and charge local visitors nothing more than cans of food for the local Food Bank.  Topics could range from “how-to” sessions on popular products like Photoshop, iMovie, Visual Studio, to operating systems and enterprise topics like Windows Server, MDT deployments, System Center products, SQL Server, Sharepoint, scripting and so on.

Get folks together to share ideas, learn, grow.  Maybe give vendors something to show up for and pitch in as well.  And all of it for a good cause.

So far I haven’t had much luck getting any interest.  If you, or someone you know, lives near the area**, let me know if you think this is a good idea.  Whether you’d be interested from the aspect of being a presenter, or an attendee.  I’d like to know if this is a feasible idea.

(Hampton Roads is a colloquial name that refers to the southeastern corner of Virginia and includes the cities of Hampton, Newport News, Yorktown, Williamsburg, Norfolk, Chesapeake, Portsmouth, Suffolk and Virginia Beach)

Why “Change” is Almost Impossible

This may be a long-winded post and you may fall asleep before getting half-way.  However, I am fired up and need to vent my puny brain in order to get to sleep.

Let’s just say you were attending a large high school and you were pretty tight with your buds and suddenly you started hearing word about a new student arriving from another school.  This other “new” student spends months posting videos on the Internet, buying TV commercials, and radio spots, all to emphasize that *your* school was full of inept, corrupt, good-ole boys who don’t like change and that this new student was going to single-handedly straighten things out.  Make change.  Get things done.  After months of hearing this, the new student arrives at your school and announces they are running for SCA president.

How would that go over?

Now think about this:  Substitute “school” for “Congress” or “Senate”, and “new student” for “candidate” and what do you have?

This is why things in politics will NEVER change.  Change you can believe in? Sure.  And you can believe in the Tooth Fairy too.  But in reality, politics involves, no scratch that… it CONSISTS ENTIRELY of networking and relationships.  When you see campaign ads where the candidate says things like:

• “It’s time for new thinking in Washington”
• “I will lead the way for change in Washington”
• “Because we need someone to make them listen”
• “I’m going to make them change”
• “I will work to make them change”

What it inevitably turns into is the following chronological progression:

• “I’m going to march into Washington and kick ass”
• “I got to Washington and I’m trying my best to kick ass”
• “I’m on my second week in Congress/Senate and I’m swimming upstream, looking for the right ass to kick, but there’s just sooooo many!”
• “I’m submitting bills but most are getting ignored or shot down by my own party cabinet and committee members.  I’m getting my ass kicked.”
• “I was told if I support my colleague’s bill for a new squirrel zoo in Idaho, he will back my bill for a cat crosswalk downtown. But then I need two more names to get past the first review session and that means I have to agree to add some terms to my bill to get their signatures, which are for a new airport in the middle of nowhere (near the senator’s house), and a school for blind and deaf Lesbian immigrants.”
• “I’m on day 30 and I’m not making much progress, but this really well-dressed lobby guy offered me some tickets to a NFL game this weekend for my whole family.  Good news is that the blind and deaf Lesbian immigrant school will have a crosswalk for their cats!”
• “Well, it’s day 90 and I’ve submitted 24 bills, of which 23 were rejected or buried, and 1 is pending with a review committee when they return from vacation in two months.  But I go on my six-month vacation that same week, so it won’t get voted on until early next year.  But since that’s a mid-term election cycle, half of them may not return so I’ll probably have to start from scratch.”
• “I will not seek re-election.” followed by a quiet exit and a stealth hiring by a major lobbying firm or defense contractor.

Same game, different names.  Always the same.  I saw it with Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush Jr. and now with Obama.  They say the same thing every time they’re asked why they haven’t been able to close the deal on one of their biggest campaign promises: “It’s hard” or “It’s complicated”

Well, no shit.  Golly gosh!

There’s a profound epiphany: politics ain’t easy.  I sure am glad they confirmed that for all us simple folk.

Going back to the high school scenario: Put yourself back in high school just for a minute.  Without the bong and beer cans, ok?  How successful would you have been if you walked in one Monday morning and said something like “ok, everyone, I want you to change the school’s mascot and colors right now!”  (If you could do that, you really should run for a public office).  So what makes everyone put down their cup of brain juice and just accept that a candidate is going to waltz into Washington with spurs, guns and a cowboy hat on and whip things into shape?

They have a term for new elected folks with big egos and big dreams: 

Fresh Meat

A-merican Gub-mint 101

Once again, I feel the compulsion to shine the light of reality on the cesspool of popular perception.  I overheard two “geniuses” debating the merits of our “democracy” and voting process and how they wish a certain president were lynched under an old Oak tree.  We’ve come so far.

Well, I have to do a brain dump.  Here goes…

There was once the concept of “democracy”.  It has never existed in the USA.  Never.  At no point since our official inception have we had a “democracy”.  Study the definition and you’ll realize this.  We are technically, and realistically closer to being a “republic”.  They have different meanings.  Words matter.

We do not elect all of our public servants.   Proportionally, we do not elect most of them, actually.  We do not directly elect our president.  We don’t choose the vice president, nor the Speaker of the House, nor the Minority Whip or Majority Leader.  We don’t choose committee members or committee leaders.  We don’t elect the Supreme Court bench. We don’t vote to go to war or to raise taxes.  We don’t get to vote on the vast majority of bills submitted from one legislative body to another.

The Electoral College is not required by law or mandate to cast their vote in accordance with the “popular vote”.  Have they always voted in accordance with the “popular” vote? NO. Check out the elections of 1824, 1876, and 1888 (and let’s not forget 2000).

Your publicly-elected officials depend on campaign funds to get elected.  That is their lifeblood of existence.  PAC’s get their major funding from organized groups and corporate constituents, not from you.  When you write letters to public officials they are read by their staff and responded to (sometimes) on form letters using standard template content.  They only respond directly when it benefits their public image.  They serve who pays them to remain in power.  Period.

There has never, in the history of recorded elections, been an election for president, senator, governor or congressman, which was decided by a single popular vote.  The argument that “your vote counts” is null and void.  Groups of votes: yes.  One lone single vote: no.

Publicly-elected officials do not vote themselves into power.  They are voted into power by the public.  If you don’t like them, it’s the fault of the voters.

If you subscribe to the “two-party system” but would prefer only one party to hold positions of power, then you do not believe in “democracy” nor with a “two-party system” at all.  You are in fact supporting a one-party ideal, which is called Communism.  Communism was famous for standard grey uniforms, one-size of worn shoes, stale bread baked in batches to feed half of the population, and cars that break down every mile of driving.

I’m not asking you, not even suggesting that you not vote.  I’m just saying that we should stop lying to ourselves and our kids.  Be honest.  Call it what it is.  It’s still better than most other options currently available, and let’s be honest: it’s damn convenient that we were born here, right?  But if it looks like cat, meows like a cat, eats, sleeps, walks, and moves like a cat, and has a cat license tag, it’s probably a cat.  Don’t call it a Lion, at least not in front of the kids.  Ok?

The Korean War

Growing up in a, no, scratch that, THE most military-oriented location on the planet Earth, period, I have come to know people from every branch of the armed forces, Air Force, Army, Marines, Navy, the Coast Guard, the CIA and NSA and so on.  I won't go into how much I appreciate and respect them and their diligence, as well the sacrifices their families endure, but with all the focus on remembering the Korean War (re: Korean "Conflict"), it made me stop and think back a bit.  This came into greater focus as I drove past the V.A. hospital where my father worked for 33 years and where I spent a LOT of my childhood.  I met more of his patients than I can ever count.  Amazing people.  It had a profound impact on me growing up.

A lot of my friends in Jr. High and High School had parents who were combat veterans of the Korean War, and the Vietnam Conflict.  I emphasize "combat" because there's a huge difference between being a veteran and being a combat veteran.  Some of them had a father imprisoned in Hanoi and I was at one of their homes when they got the phone call that daddy was on a flight heading home.  Talk about being ecstatic.  It was incredible.  I've also been at a home when they got the bad phone call.  I've known people who lost family members, friends, relatives, school mates, etc. in both wars.  I've sat at kitchen tables and listened to some of the dads recount stories also; usually sanitized for my young ears to grasp without freaking out and jumping from a bridge in panic.

But sometimes they would drink just enough to forego the sanitization and just spill their guts.  Sometimes it was general stuff.  Sometimes it was specific, often graphic. Rarely were they funny or light-hearted (there were a few).  But thinking back over the stories I was privy to, none were as bleak, drab, depressing and horrific as the Korean War stories.  I'm not trying to compare or rate them in any way, and I'm obviously only capable of commenting on a small segment of people, but whatever.  I don't claim to be an expert either.  I'm just recalling what I heard and for whatever reason I felt like posting it.

They call it "the Forgotten War" and it should be obvious why.  You rarely hear of it except when there's an anniversary or when a recent event occurs between the North and South.  As much as we've seen effort put into opening up the discussion on post-Vietnam trauma, and post-Gulf War trauma, nothing like that was ever put forth for those that came home from Korea.  They came home to silence.  No protests, no parades.  Nothing.  And those people have quietly tried to deal with that ever since.  I can't imagine the stress they've bottled up.  If you know someone that fought in that conflict, talk to them.

Adios SMS and System Center

After years of working with, consulting and being involved with Microsoft SMS and SCCM I feel it is time to cut loose my involvement with that world. There simply are no opportunities whatsoever within my geographic area to even consult anymore. I have a good job that involves Wise packaging and scripting, but our parent company dictates Altiris. That won't likely change anytime soon.

I remember first working with SMS 2.0 back in the late 1990's with a good friend who passed away not long ago. My next project was a multi-site Active Directory migration to WS03 which was followed by my first SMS 2003 rollout. I actually joined the beta early on and received authorization to go ahead into production. It was exciting and scarry and I enjoyed every minute of it.

After that I spent a lot of time creating web reports, writing scripts, customizing MOFs and automating our inventory and patch management systems.  After a few years of growing with a growing company, the owner decided to cash out and split the place in half and sell it off and soon everything I worked on was gone or shut down.  I left to work for a consulting company that promised to put me to work in the area doing more SCCM work, but they never did any marketing and we floundered.  I ended up driving ridiculous miles to stay employed, but that fizzled out and nobody was doing any SMS or SCCM work within 150 miles of where I live.  None.  Zip.  Zero.

I worked hard on the SCCM beta and even passed the 70-401 MCTS exam for System Center Config Manager.  I’ve been watching the news from MMS 2010 and it looks like things are still progressing nicely.

As much as I enjoyed working with that side of the house, and spending time at MyITForum.com and other sites, it’s just not practical anymore.  I wish anyone who works with the System Center product line the best and hope that their jobs are prosperous.  However, I think it’s time for me to move on to other things.  Long live Wally Mead. :)

A Few Thoughts About Religion and Politics

These are two subjects that are always touted as bringing people together and solving problems. Yet the evidence is overwhelming that this rarely happens. The vast majority of wars and killing "en masse" are attributable to religion and politics. This is because both subjects involve people, and people (a) rarely agree on much, and (b) are too stupid to operate vehicles properly, yet are somehow expected to arrive at some sort of Utopia someday. Maybe when Elvis returns from his vacation at Burger King.

Religion

If you really feel sincere about your religion, the best thing for you to do to make it look worthy of others following is to shut up and let your actions speak for themselves.  Whenever someone starts preaching to me, or plastering bumper stickers on their cars and vans, or wears the slogan-rich t-shirts and ball caps, my first and strongest reaction is that they’re trying to compensate for something they feel guilty for.  Whether they’re a child molester or drug dealer or foreign agent, something’s wrong that they feel the need to over-impress hapless bystanders with just how incredibly devoted they are to whatever it is they’re devoted to.  I don’t care, shut up.

Reading your stupid, clever-less phrases on the back of your car does not drive me to pursue your beliefs.  It drives me away, and fast.  When you run your mouth about whatever YOU think God thinks, it drives me away.  I respect many friends and colleagues who are truly devoted to their religion.  Because they don’t waste time telling me, they show it by how they behave and what they do for those around them.

Here’s the facts:

• YOU are not God
• YOU have zero insight into what God believes, thinks or does
• YOU cannot say “I’m going to Heaven.” because that’s God’s decision, not yours

Politics

There was a time when politics existed for the benefit of society. That time ended a long time ago.  The last remnants of meaningful civil representation might have lingered on in desperation into the late 1960’s but only barely so.  The tentacles of corporate lobbyism began creeping into our government after WWI and have only ebbed and flowed since.  Today, it’s a complete blow-out, with absolute zero concern for the constituency at large.  We don’t fund their campaigns and pave the cushy path to a post-career job in the private sector.  Corporate interests do.

Party politics is brain candy for morons.  The platforms that set the stage for Democratic and Republican ideals have been recast so many times that it’s near impossible to honestly and comprehensively describe the respective platforms anymore.

I vote when I see someone on the ballot that convinces me they’re really trying to fix things, not break things, or prolong the broken.  I don’t care what party they claim.  But if nobody looks interesting on the ballot: I don’t vote.  If you feel you HAVE to vote just because your party needs your vote, you are a brainless idiot.  But that’s the kind of idiot they want following them.

What is a Republican?  Is it a “conservative”?  Nope.  Not anymore.  Is it “small government”? Hardly.  What is a Democrat?  A “liberal”?  Not really.  A protector of the environment and anti-nuclear?  Nope.   The truth now is that each party is whatever you are spoon-fed to believe, by whatever brainwashing, social engineering “news show” you watch.  Fox, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, CBS, whatever.  They are all corporate-owned and corporate-directed.  They script the daily news to support whatever agenda they need to prop up their shareholder interests.  Period.  And by watching and consuming that shlock, you are a disposable douche.

You have a brain.  Use it.

Whatever.

Score Card: Effectiveness of World Donations

Did we cure homelessness in America with the “Hands Across America” effort?

Did we cure AIDS and HIV with all the concerts and telethons?

Is world hunger fixed from all the concerts and TV commercials?

Is the starvation problem in Africa all gone since we emptied our pockets for “Feed the World” and all the other concerts?

Is there really less suffering, starvation, disease, war and anguish in our world today as a result of any of our concerts, telethons and distant donations?

We keep shelling out money to every catastrophe that makes the news, yet after the media frenzy subsides, it goes back to status quo.  Hunger in Africa has not improved at all.  Not in Bangladesh either.  There’s as many homeless in America as ever, maybe more (the census might help shed some clarity on that soon, who knows).  AIDS didn’t get dented by world donations.  It got dented by big pharma doing research into cocktails that seem to be having at least a marginal impact (that’s spelled: p-r-o-f-i-t  by the way).

Now it’s Haiti.  Let’s see.  Haiti.  The country that was bitch-slapped into oblivion by the U.S. in the early 20th century, and then even moreso by French colonial rule.  Then when Baby Doc whats-his-name took over, and started chopping people up with machetes, the aristocracy (or what was left of them) and the wealthy and educated, were hastily evacuated.  That left behind a broken country with a bankrupted and horribly corrupted government, uneducated working class, but without any industry for which to work.  So then they stand around and find something else to do.  This never turns out well of course.

In comes the Earthquake, and then the world pity and influx of “aid” and money.  After the rubble is cleared, the bodies buried, and the land cleaned up, what then? 

Everyone forgets to ask why there was a U.N. presence in Haiti.  Ever wonder about that?  It’s because it had turned into a horrific cesspool of depravity and despair.  Two “d” words that never make people feel good.

Let’s cut to the chase - What will happen is this: The mess from the Earthquake will be cleared out and cleaned up.  Soon after it will become apparent that there is no positive, hopeful “end game” to be had.  Strategists will look for a graceful exit and by that time a bigger news story will unfold which will distract us all enough to not notice (or care) that the “aid” is being removed and the situation will return to the horrific mess it was before.

Meanwhile, we all feel better, content, even elated, that we “made a difference” by texting our $10 to whatever to fund the “relief effort” in some abstract way.  We gave the bleeding person a bandaid and left them beside the road, facing a pack of hungry lions.  Sounds harsh, but let’s be honest: that’s what it is.

It’s handing them a fish but not bothering to teach them how to fish.  But to be fair, it’s not really our fault.  It’s on the shoulders of France really.  France should get off their fucking asses and take the lead on this effort.  I’m not saying they should do it alone.  But they should be taking the lead.  Visibly.  Meaningfully.  But they’re not. Because ultimately: France doesn’t give a fucking shit about Haiti or Haitians.  They know everyone else will rush to their phones to text $10 and forget that France was ever implicated in the downfall and desolution of Haiti.

Sound familiar?

It should.  It’s from the same international government aid playbook that’s been in use for over 100 years.

Ways America Could Recoup Lost Revenue

Here’s a few ways our illustrious government could fill their budget gaps…

• Tax non-commercial vehicles by their weight (progressively) and gas mileage (inversely).  Added strain on our road maintenance and oil consumption should come with a price.
• Raise the fee for getting a non-commercial driver’s license (or just give them away free).  Seems the qualifications for obtaining them are almost non-existent as-is.
• Actually enforce existing laws, and collect fines, for failing to cut your lawn, non-commercial vehicles with bumpers higher than 24 inches above the ground, improper parking, and so on.
• Tax people extra if they require medical assistance for issues they caused, such as excessive drinking, smoking or eating.  Exclusions would exist for contributing medical conditions obviously, but they would require a physician’s explanation
• Tax anyone who votes for going to war without contributing one of their own children to fight that war.  If you believe in it, you should be willing to pay for it somehow.
• Add a Tax or fine on “parents” who’s children commit crimes repeatedly while under the guardianship of the “parent”.
• Add a Tax on people who’s house is visited multiple times (within a given year) by the police or animal control.  Extra service should cost extra.
• Tax parents who’s (non-medically challenged) children fail and repeat a grade in public schools.  Do-overs should cost extra.
• Tax people for each “pet” animal over 2 per kind and more 3 kinds.  If you have 2 dogs, 2 cats and 2 snakes, fine.  More than that: you should pay extra to cover when the animal control folks clean out your 100-cat shithole and remove the Boa from your torso.
• Raise the fine for littering to $10,000 and include cigarette butts as “litter”.
• Raise the fine for DUI to $10,000, or whatever you have in all of your bank accounts, whichever is greater, on the first offense.  If you really want to help drunk driving, do it right or just forget it.
• Fine people for driving around with stupid flags all over their vehicles.  As if anyone cares what team they like.  The flags are distracting and annoying.  The added risk to nearby drivers should come with a price-tag.  Want your flags?  Fine.  Pay up.  Same goes for spinner wheels, and flashing decorator lights.
• The fine for any business polluting the environment should be equal to one-half of their gross revenue for that year.

And for those people that manage to NOT violate any of these guidelines should get a tax BREAK as well.

The Nor-Easter of 2009

For those not familiar with living near the eastern seaboard, the term “Nor-Easter” refers to a storm that hails from the North-East with characteristics much like a tropical storm.  For all intents and purposes, it is a tropical storm, but I’ll leave that to the folks that thump their chests insisting they are not “weather-people” but “meteorologists”.  Whatever.

Our recent bout began as the remnants of hurrican Ida, which swept in from the Gulf of Mexico, came ashore and drifte Northeast over North Carolina and then over us in Virginia.  It took it’s time, with rains and wind starting on Wednesday and gradually picking up into a real mess by Thursday.  Last night was up and down and our power blinked out well over a dozen times.  I had to shut everything off to avoid hardware failures from all the constant spikes and drops.

By 4pm Thursday, all streets connecting our neighborhood were underwater.  Our particular section was high enough to be ok though.  We just couldn’t get out.  Even some of the braver 4x4 folks found themselves snuffed out in the deeper water (intersection of Old Forge and South Plaza Trail was most common)  This morning there were about ten stalled vehicles left abandoned.  Tow trucks were pulling them out with winches and cables onto flat-bed trucks to haul away.

The streets are less flooded now.  There are still a few bad locations that are impassable by car or by foot even.  The ground is saturated.  Trees fell over from root dislocation and strong winds.  Chain saws are blazing in all directions and there is still a misty rain coming down.  The intersection of Old Forge and South Plaza Trail was still 3-4 feet under water this morning.  I walked out as far as I could before sinking in the grassy shoulders.  The water goes up to the front doors of houses around that intersection.  It should be receding soon though.

One house around the corner was damaged severely by a fallen tree.  There is a crane and crew out now removing it in sections.  The house has already been condemned.  Thankfully, no one was hurt.  The crack of the tree falling was clear enough to hear inside my house with the TV on and the wind and rain howling on the outside, roughly 100 yards away.  Unbelievable sound.  Picture below of tree section being hoisted away.

According to all of the weather reports I’ve watched, the tidal flooding surpassed the record level set by the Ash Wednesday storm, but was not as high as the infamouse 1933 hurricane (they didn’t name them back in those days).  There are still a reported 150,000 without power in the Hampton Roads area (all cities combined), but most are on the southside.

Personally, I didn’t feel this was as bad as hurricane Isabelle.  But still, any damage is bad if you’re the one dealing with it.  This time around, we were very lucky.  Our house and vehicles suffered no damage.  We do have a lot of clean-up work ahead of us though.  The weekend is supposed to be nice and dry.

What’s Wrong with Hampton Roads Transit (HRT)

Having been a regular bus rider for quite some time, I have intimate experience with what works and what does not, when it comes to our “mass transit” bus services. 

The list of what’s wrong far outweighs the positive aspects at this point, but I’m hopeful that over time it will improve.  The positive aspects are that it’s (a) relatively cheap to use and (b) not usually crowded.

This is with regards to the “Max” service, which is intended to provide express service between major population zones and across city boundaries.  I seriously doubt it will improve in the next five (5) years, but maybe Elvis is still alive and will help them out.

1. Routes are incomplete and inefficient
   You cannot take a bus between many of the most densely populated areas to other densely populated areas without driving in a car to get to at least one of the endpoints.  If you want to take a bus from middle Virginia Beach to Newport News get ready for 2-1/2 to 3 hours of riding and multiple stops and at least one route change (a wait at a stop for another bus).  Some major stations have no direct links or even shuttles to connect them (e.g. Silverleaf and Indian River).
2. Routes are Not Tiered
   This might seem like a repeat of the above, but actually it’s synergistic (don’t you love that word!?).  The route structure should be based on a rigorous, reliable skeleton or “core” route service that runs independent of feeder routes.  The timing of the feeder routes should be carefully coordinated so that it jibes with the core system without making riders wait more than 15 minutes at most.  In other words, you should be able to hop on a feeder bus in Pungo or Poquoson, get off at a stop and catch a core system bus to get across the water to another city, hop on another feeder bus and at no point in the middle wait more than 10-15 minutes for the next bus.  You cannot do that right now.  Other cities have been doing this for years.
3. Stop Locations are poorly planned
   Most of the Max stops, other than “transit centers” are in shopping center parking lots or on main streets, located in such a way as to require the drivers to maneuver tricky and tight turns to loop around and park appropriately to allow riders to load and unload.  Stops should be positioned to avoid positioning maneuvers and U-turns as a top priority.  If the bus has to make an awkward turn-around at a stop to continue on the route, the stop should be moved.
4. Paper Fare Cards.  No Reuse
   It’s 2009.  Someone didn’t get the memo about being “green” and “eco-friendly”.  Daily-use, throw-away paper fare cards are a slap in the face of this entire mindset.  Not very smart of their marketing department (if they even have a marketing department).  How about a plastic, re-usable fare card?  Maybe one that can be reloaded everywhere you currently purchase the paper cards.  Maybe even a reason to go to their crappy web site and reload (might actually increase traffic and give reason to sell advertising space on the site!  Imagine that!)
5. Poorly Maintained Equipment
   While standing around at the “transit centers” I often see the drivers get out, walk around, and crawl under their bus looking for whatever is making a strange noise.  At least once per week, when stopping mid-route, the engine will die and the driver will have to restart it.  Not very reassuring.  Often the marquee is wrong and the driver can do nothing to correct it (wrong route number usually).
6. Merged Traffic
   Technically, this is technically not HRT’s fault.  It’s the fault of city traffic planners and VDOT.  Putting buses in the same horrific mess as all the moronic car “drivers” (using the term loosely here) does nothing to make the bus more efficient.  It simply offers riders the chance to take a nap and save on gas money (depending upon the price of gas and their vehicle MPG rating).  At least on the main arteries like I-64, I-264, I-664, etc. they should add a dedicated bus lane.
7. Wasted Marketing Potential
   No “specials” or incentive discounts are offered beyond the same-old tired senior citizen and military/student discounts.  How about special deals where they partner with shopping centers to cross promote?  This is not new.  Been around for decades and it works VERY well.  I believe the phrase used for this is “a win-win”.  If I have to explain this, forget it.
8. Single Purpose Stops are Dumb
   Partner with fast food and quick-shop businesses to surround your stops with something for people to do (buy) while they wait.  Maybe these could be the same businesses you cross market with (see number 7) for cross-incentive marketing.  “Shop here, get $1 off your next ride.  Buy a 10 pack of tickets, get $5 off your next purchase at __”.  Duh?
9. Diversify
   Forget waiting on the cities to pull their thumbs out of their asses.  By the time they make a decision about true “mass transit” solutions, they will have spent all their budgets consultants and studies and nothing will ever be constructed.  Municipalities are bound by federal, state and local restrictions that private businesses often can circumvent.  Not always, but more than otherwise.  Just buy up property, build the stupid light-rail/mono-rail/whatever-rail between all the key points in the region (not just within a single city) and enlist the participation of retail and food merchants to make the system profitable.  It can be done.  It’s called “vision”.  Stop asking everyone for consensus.  If they asked everyone how to build the Interstate system, it wouldn’t exist today.

Ten Things Americans Simply Don’t Care About

(Regardless of what you might hear in the news)

1. Gas Mileage

2. Littering

3. Swearing in Public (regardless of the surrounding age group)

4. Wearing a belt

5. Qualifications for public office

6. Government Scandals

7. Manners

8. The Environment

10. Counting

Sure, YOU may care about one of these, but you’re vastly outnumbered by those that do not.

BackaDaBussBeyoches!

Today's adventure is brought to you by HRT, the solution for all your mass transit failure needs.

So, I got off work at 3:00 and strolled to the bus stop a few blocks away as I do every day.  Normally I wait around for the 3:35 bus to arrive, but today I got to the stop at 3:10 and the 3:00 bus just pulled up.  10 minutes late is not a big deal and it actually worked out good for me (I got to get a head-start by 30 minutes).  But as soon as everyone got on and paid their fare, and sat down, the driver shut the engine off, got off and went inside to go to the bathroom.

This is where it got fun.

A woman in the front of the bus freaked out and started swearing and yelling and then whipped out her cell phone to call HRT. She actually got an answer, which is amazing (HRT rarely responds to consumer feedback).  She then proceeded to unload a truckload of pent-up hormonal imbalance on the person on the other end.  10 minutes later (3:20 now) he returned, started the engine and took off like a tsunami was spotted coming over the horizon.  I mean: this guy didn't drive it like he stole it.  He drove it like he wanted to fucking destroy it!  Bouncing, swirving, speeding, fast turns and leaning.  Wow!  I think it made up for missing a whole year of Busch Gardens.

The Law of Wasted Effort

There’s an unwritten, yet firmly enforced law of nature and humanity that I like to call the law of “wasted effort”.  It goes like this:

Actions shall be undertaken until such time as it becomes obvious that said actions are not providing the intended result.

Nature lives by this every second of every hour of every day.  Humans generally follow this too.  You’ll call your dog only so long before giving up. You’ll wait on the phone only so long.  You get the picture.  So, what’s the big deal?  I’m glad you asked.

There’s one organism that not only ignores this law, but willfully and intentionally violates it on a daily basis.  This organism is called: government.

The government organism will continue dumping money and labor into useless, aimless projects until the money either runs dry or attention is brought to bear on the absurdity.  Running out of funding is not a garanteed termination either.  Money is typically syphoned from other sources, usually those more critical than the one being wasted on, in order to keep it going.  The attention part is usually what kills these evil rejects of natural selection.  However, it almost always ends up with those who are really to blame getting away with blaming it on others, who take the fall and punishment.  Let’s try to enforce the law, shall we?

Hampton Roads: The Official FAQ

Here it is Hampton Roaders: your unofficial official FAQ for everything Hampton Roadsy!

What is a Hampton Roads?

It’s a collection of cities that cannot get along and work together over anything, even though most of them have residents that work in neighboring, yet evil, cities.

Where did the name Hampton Roads come from?

It was derived from a poker game back in 1852 between Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.  The winner got to drag the loser behind a horse at full speed down a gravel road that connected Norfolk and Hampton, prior to the last ice age.  Over time the name has been more associate with the least-functioning aspect of our region: roads.  As in: you will sit on our roads until you die of old age.

What cities are part of Hampton Roads?

Norfolk, and Virginia Beach are the important ones.  The others just want free beer and a ride on Federal and State budgets.  You just can’t keep those thugs out of a good party, I’m tellin ya.  The riff-raft are: Hampton, Newport News, Chesapeake, Portsmouth, Suffolk, and Yorktown. Some argue that Williamsburg, Smithfield and Surry are included, but those people are crack addicts.

What are the major industries / jobs in Hampton Roads?

Since the area is owned and operated by the U.S. Department of Defense, pretty much anything that buys from, sells to, or services our men and women in service is fair game.  Tourism is pretty big too, but only for bringing in people who act rude and leave their trash everywhere and split town.  If you’re looking for a job, keep moving on to the next town.  We don’t want you homeless folks here.

What’s the climate like?

Winters are sissy-fied with cloudy cool averages in the upper 30’s, occassionally dropping into the 20’s, but only long enough to hear people whine and cry about their heating bills.  Summers are warm and humid, with clouds and clouds of biting mosquitoes to keep you busy.

Education

We gotz schools, beyoch.  But you can’t afford em unless you be from somewhere up North where they gotz money.

Crime

Only in the bad places.  Keep yo ass inside your crib and you’ll be safe.  Maybe.

Sports?

We have none.  You got a TV don’t you?!

Entertainment?

Clubs, parks, nature, traffic and idiots attempting to drive in traffic.

Transportation Systems

That’s hilarious.  You think we give a damn about you getting “from A to B” around here?  Ha!!  The roads are designed to prevent you from leaving.  There are buses, but they don’t go where you want to go.  It’s cars or walk - beyoches.  Hurricane evacuation plans rank high with Elvis sightings.  Mythical is the word.

City by City attractions:

Hampton	ummm…
Chesapeake	Um, hold on. I’m thinking…
Portsmouth	ummmmmm…. crap.  I forgot.
Virginia Beach	Beaches, Parks, Shops, Clubs, Restaurants
Norfolk	All the above except for beaches
Yorktown	Civil war battlefields.  Neato
Newport News	uhhhh… oh yea! Newport News Park, and Noland Trail
Suffolk	Peanuts and lean-to’s
Williamsburg	Busch Gardens

Stay Tuned – More to be added…

Good Bye Fort Story Beach. It was fun while it lasted

We hadn't made the short trip to Fort Story Beach in a few weeks, so we decided today was time for a return.

We parked at 87th street as always (because 89th has more parking but they ticket and boot after 8pm.  It is Virginia Beach after all), and walked out to the sand, turned left and started towards Cape Henry Point.

However, this time we were hit with a large yellow sign on 4x4 wooden legs, straddling the walking area at the borderline between the public beach and the beach that wraps around Fort Story U.S. Army base.  "Official U.S. Government Property - No Trespassing" in bold letters.

The last time we saw this happen was one week after Sept. 11, 2001, when they not only closed the beach, but cordonned it off with cross-bars and razor wire, and sandbagged machine gun nests along the dunes.  They also ran ATV patrols and scared the be-jesus out of anyone who strayed across the line.  I didn't see any sandbag encampments or ATV's running around, but I'm not venturing over into the dark side to find Darth Vader either.

I haven't seen any official explanation or rationale for the closure, so I can only guess.  If it's to carve out the beach for the military families who live on the base, that's fine.  I feel that military families put up with a lot of crap as it is, and their active-duty kin are under enough stress, so anything that helps them chill out and enjoy life a little more is a good thing.  I do wish however that they could have worked out something like one-day per week when the public could still stroll around the beachfront.  Oh well.  It was fun while it lasted.  I have a ton of good memories with my family there.  Here's some photos I've taken over the years.  Enjoy!

Motivating the Demotivational - Local Microsoft User Groups

Back in the Winter, I was working for a Microsoft consulting partner doing odds and ends customer engagements and "tag-alongs" with other consultants. I was a "systems engineer" and my focus was on System Center, but I spent more time on a variety of things besides.

During that journey I had discussions with a friend at Microsoft about forming user groups in Virginia to help foster some networking and so forth. I sent out invites to fill out a SurveyMonkey survey online to help gather input about how the group should work (where and when to meet, etc). There was also information in the invite describing how we would be shoring up the meetings with visits from Microsoft and partners to explore various products and technologies. There was also mention of free giveaways (products, swag, etc). The goal was to make it a no-cost membership.

I mailed out 20 invites and asked everyone to forward them along. I got three (3) responses.

Three?

I mailed it again to about 15 more. I got zero additional responses.

Three?!!

Keep in mind that there are maybe four computer-related user groups in our area (Hampton Roads) and none of them focus on Microsoft issues. There's one SQL users group, but it spends more time meeting in Richmond (2 hours away) than here in it's so-called home district. We have nothing in the way of keeping people connected and informed. It's all do-it-yourself via the web and self-education. Lame. Totally lame.

I know for sure that there are many skilled engineers, administrators, and technicians in this area. The amount of knowledge that could be shared and empowered from networking should be obvious enough to get even a little interest. Nope.

I don't know what to attribute that to. In other geographic regions there's enormous interest in such things. They stay much more informed on new technologies and methods for solving problems. But even aside from those material benefits, there's the networking opportunities that certainly can't hurt, especially in the context of our current suckwad economy.

No interest at all. This place is asleep at the wheel.

Now, having said all that: If you live in the Hampton Roads area, give me a shout and let me know you would be interested in joining a user group. For anyone not familiar with what "Hampton Roads" is, it is a term used to identify the Southeastern corner of Virginia. It includes the cities of Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, Suffolk, Newport News, Hampton, Yorktown, Williamsburg (sort-of). Maybe we could meet in one place, or maybe split it into two places. Who knows. I'm open to anything at this point. I'm a terminal optimist.