I used to say that the "All-American" sport was tossing trash from car windows. Then I thought it was swallowing spoon-fed philosphy and values (without looking at the spoon). These are still top-ranked American sports. But now I rank them at #2 and #3 respectively. By the way, #4 and #5 are Passing Judgement and Fantasy Football, in that order.
The number 1 All-American Sport is Contradictory Logic.
| Acceptable | Not Acceptable |
| Smoking Cigarettes | Smoking Marijuana |
| Drinking Beer, Liquor | Drinking Four Loco |
| Buying Lottery Tickets | Poker, Gambling |
| Voting | Gambling |
| TV: Stabbing, Shooting, Amputation, Gore, Violence | TV: Naked boobies |
| Different Insurance Rates for Men and Women | Different Insurance Rates for Healthy vs Fat Smokers |
| Black History Month | White History Month |
| Spanish Phone Menus | Asian Phone Menus |
| Put Your Dying Dog to Sleep | Put Your Dying Grandfather to Sleep |
| Seat Belts in Cars | Seat Belts on Busses and Motorcycles |
| Pilots License at 14 | Drivers License at 14 |
| Driver Lessons Before License | Gun Lessons Before License |
| Driving While Eating, With Dog in Lap, Putting on Make-up | Driving with Cell Phone |
| 4x4 Lift-Kit Truck with High-Beams behind you at Traffic Light | Rear-facing High Beams |
| Hardees Thickburger | Whole Milk |
| Invading Other Countries | Other Countries Invading Us |
| Criticizing Foreign Human Rights Violations | Foreigners Criticizing Our Human Rights Violations |
| Saying America is "Number 1" in Everything | Admitting America is Only "Number 1" for Obesity |
| Saying Your Church/Synogogue/Mosque is "Open To All Other Religions" | Actually Reading the Scriptures of Other Religions |
| Watching Dancing With The Stars | Dancing |
| Watching Monday Night Football | Playing Football |
5 comments:
Since when are Rear facing head light not acceptable
Since every police officer I've asked said they weren't. Every one said "driver distraction hazard"
While I'm in complete agreement that a seatbelt is good in a car and should be in a bus, I'm not sure being attached to a motorcycle would be a good thing in an accident.
Actually I think it would be enormously entertaining to watch motorcycle crashes with seat belts. Maybe even elastic restraints! I think we're on to something big here.
Great list!
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