Ways America Could Recoup Lost Revenue

Here’s a few ways our illustrious government could fill their budget gaps…

• Tax non-commercial vehicles by their weight (progressively) and gas mileage (inversely).  Added strain on our road maintenance and oil consumption should come with a price.
• Raise the fee for getting a non-commercial driver’s license (or just give them away free).  Seems the qualifications for obtaining them are almost non-existent as-is.
• Actually enforce existing laws, and collect fines, for failing to cut your lawn, non-commercial vehicles with bumpers higher than 24 inches above the ground, improper parking, and so on.
• Tax people extra if they require medical assistance for issues they caused, such as excessive drinking, smoking or eating.  Exclusions would exist for contributing medical conditions obviously, but they would require a physician’s explanation
• Tax anyone who votes for going to war without contributing one of their own children to fight that war.  If you believe in it, you should be willing to pay for it somehow.
• Add a Tax or fine on “parents” who’s children commit crimes repeatedly while under the guardianship of the “parent”.
• Add a Tax on people who’s house is visited multiple times (within a given year) by the police or animal control.  Extra service should cost extra.
• Tax parents who’s (non-medically challenged) children fail and repeat a grade in public schools.  Do-overs should cost extra.
• Tax people for each “pet” animal over 2 per kind and more 3 kinds.  If you have 2 dogs, 2 cats and 2 snakes, fine.  More than that: you should pay extra to cover when the animal control folks clean out your 100-cat shithole and remove the Boa from your torso.
• Raise the fine for littering to $10,000 and include cigarette butts as “litter”.
• Raise the fine for DUI to $10,000, or whatever you have in all of your bank accounts, whichever is greater, on the first offense.  If you really want to help drunk driving, do it right or just forget it.
• Fine people for driving around with stupid flags all over their vehicles.  As if anyone cares what team they like.  The flags are distracting and annoying.  The added risk to nearby drivers should come with a price-tag.  Want your flags?  Fine.  Pay up.  Same goes for spinner wheels, and flashing decorator lights.
• The fine for any business polluting the environment should be equal to one-half of their gross revenue for that year.

And for those people that manage to NOT violate any of these guidelines should get a tax BREAK as well.