I used to say that the "All-American" sport was tossing trash from car windows. Then I thought it was swallowing spoon-fed philosphy and values (without looking at the spoon). These are still top-ranked American sports. But now I rank them at #2 and #3 respectively. By the way, #4 and #5 are Passing Judgement and Fantasy Football, in that order.
The number 1 All-American Sport is Contradictory Logic.
Acceptable | Not Acceptable |
Smoking Cigarettes | Smoking Marijuana |
Drinking Beer, Liquor | Drinking Four Loco |
Buying Lottery Tickets | Poker, Gambling |
Voting | Gambling |
TV: Stabbing, Shooting, Amputation, Gore, Violence | TV: Naked boobies |
Different Insurance Rates for Men and Women | Different Insurance Rates for Healthy vs Fat Smokers |
Black History Month | White History Month |
Spanish Phone Menus | Asian Phone Menus |
Put Your Dying Dog to Sleep | Put Your Dying Grandfather to Sleep |
Seat Belts in Cars | Seat Belts on Busses and Motorcycles |
Pilots License at 14 | Drivers License at 14 |
Driver Lessons Before License | Gun Lessons Before License |
Driving While Eating, With Dog in Lap, Putting on Make-up | Driving with Cell Phone |
4x4 Lift-Kit Truck with High-Beams behind you at Traffic Light | Rear-facing High Beams |
Hardees Thickburger | Whole Milk |
Invading Other Countries | Other Countries Invading Us |
Criticizing Foreign Human Rights Violations | Foreigners Criticizing Our Human Rights Violations |
Saying America is "Number 1" in Everything | Admitting America is Only "Number 1" for Obesity |
Saying Your Church/Synogogue/Mosque is "Open To All Other Religions" | Actually Reading the Scriptures of Other Religions |
Watching Dancing With The Stars | Dancing |
Watching Monday Night Football | Playing Football |
5 comments:
Since when are Rear facing head light not acceptable
Since every police officer I've asked said they weren't. Every one said "driver distraction hazard"
While I'm in complete agreement that a seatbelt is good in a car and should be in a bus, I'm not sure being attached to a motorcycle would be a good thing in an accident.
Actually I think it would be enormously entertaining to watch motorcycle crashes with seat belts. Maybe even elastic restraints! I think we're on to something big here.
Great list!
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