Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Interviewing the Candidates: Round 1 - Deeds and McDonnell

The following interview may have taken place, or maybe not. In any case, I put these candidates to the test on questions about our local government, citizens and our future.

Me: Good evening gentlemen. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with me here at Chuck-E-Cheese's. I hope it's not too noisy?

Deeds: What?

McDonnell: He said... that he hopes you're not nosey! (Yelling over the screaming kids nearby)

Deeds: Fuck you, Bob. I'm not going for that one.

Me: I'll start with Mr. Deeds and ask - what do you see as being the biggest challenges ahead if you win the election?

Deeds: Well, first off, my opponent is a fag. Second, he's going to raise taxes.

McDonnell: Your momma.

Deeds: He is. There are reports that he plays footsie under the stalls in gas station restrooms. And that he beats off to the lingerie pics in the Sears catalog.

McDonnell: I'm going raise my foot up your ass. What kind of name is 'Creigh' anyway? And that's your middle name?! Holy shit! Is your first name 'suzy' or what?

Me: Gentlemen, please?

Deeds: What's most important here is to know Bob doesn't have a plan, other than to raise taxes on the working class.

McDonnell: That's a lie! I have a great plan. Deeds is the one who will raise taxes! And, HE's the fag!

Deeds: Don't ask - Don't tell?

Me: Gentlemen? I've asked this before, but last question: what is your plan, Creigh?

Deeds: He's going to raise your taxes.

Me: Mr. McDonnell?

McDonnell: Whatever.

Me: thank you gentlemen for your time. May the best man win.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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