Ask the Guru: Episode 1

Q. What is the best programming language?

What is the problem you’re aiming to solve?

Q. Is Windows 7 better than OSX Snow Leopard?

Define “better”.

Q. If you’re such a “guru” why haven’t we heard of you?

Because you are a dumbass.

Q. What makes you think you’re a “guru”?

I don’t. So why are you here?

Q. Which president do you like more: Bush or Obama?

I thought they were the same person.  One is wearing makeup.

Q. Do you consider yourself a Republican or Democrat?

I consider myself someone who isn’t a dumbass that believes in party politics.

Q. Do you vote?

Sometimes.

Q. How will the Earth end?

How the f*** would I know?

Q. How do you stand on Abortion?

I don’t.

Q. What do you think of the conflicts in the Middle East?

The entire region should be nuked and replaced with a theme park.

Q. Who’s in charge?

Ain’t you?!

Q. What’s wrong with drivers today?

There’s too many.  We need to start eliminating them.

Q. What do you think about Racism?

Everyone is racist.  Those that deny it are liars.

Q. What do you think about Gay Rights?

I don’t.

Q. Where can you find the best breakfast?

In New York City, Boston or Philly. I prefer NYC.

Q. My computer is slow.  What should I do?

Why is it always the computer’s fault?  Maybe you’re too slow.

Q. Your answers are so cryptic.  Why is that?

The answer is the question.  The question is the answer.

Q. Is there an “after life”?

You’re living it.  Sorry to kill the buzz.

Q. Is there a God?

Why don’t you ask him/her?

Q. What are your religious views?

Whatever suits the situation at hand.

Q. Who will rule the Earth in 100 years?

Corporations.