Sunday, January 10, 2010

This is Why Lawyers Have a Bad Reputation

IMG_7792 Seriously? Read the “Warning” information in the image at left.  This is a tube of Carmex lip balm.  It says “External Use Only”?  “Avoid contact with eyes”?  I suppose if you have Cerebral Palsy or a bad case of Tourette’s or just a regular case of too many bottles of 5-hour Energy Drink, then you might spaz out and poke it into your eye or up your ass or something.  Wow.

Go ahead and laugh, but I predict that soon we’ll be seeing warning labels on everything from doors, to tennis shoes to baseball caps.  I mean, my can of WD-40 says “point nozzle away from face”.  Deoderant says to “avoid use near open flame”.  Here’s a sample of how fucking stupid we’ve become:

Doors: “Warning: Injury may result from failure to open with caution or without moving out of the path of the opening door.  Keep fingers and other body parts away from door closure and jamb.  Failure to do so may result in injury or amputation.  Keep small pets and animals away from door operating area at all times.  Children should be assisted by an adult to avoid injury.”

Baseball Caps: “Warning: Do not place cap over face or injury may result from obstructed vision.  Never wear over face while driving or operating machinery.  Never place adjustable strap around neck.  Cap may become entangled in protruding objects and could cause injury.”

Tennis Shoes: “Warning: Shoes are intended for use on feet only.  Injury may result from misuse or failure to place shoes on the correct foot (left or right) or on other limbs/extremities (arms, feet, head).  Never wear shoes which are not sized properly for your feet.  Failure to tie shoe laces may result in tripping, falling, entanglement, which may result in injury or death.  Never tie laces around neck or feed to small animals.”

I could go on and on and on with this, but you get the point.  It’s coming.  You just wait and see.

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