Sunday, November 9, 2008

My Suggested Obama Executive Orders Wishlist

The news has been going crazy about Obama issuing an immediate list of executive orders to start off his new term aggressively. That's fantastic.  No more of this "first 100 days" crap, which has never produced anything of value for anyone.  This will start a new "first 100 minutes" trend.

Here's my suggested list in case he can't find his:

1. Anyone caught driving in the left-hand lane going "at" or "below" the posted speed limit should be pulled over and beaten with a bag full of wood screws.

2. Dogs can only be called "dogs" if they can whip any cat's ass in a street fight.  Otherwise, they are to be called "cat-food".

3. Parents who smoke inside their cars, with children inside, and the windows rolled up, are to be beaten with two bags of wood screws (until sufficiently tenderized).

4. People with more than two bumper stickers are to have their drivers license revoked and their car impounded.

5. People that cannot correctly pronounce words like "nuclear" and "jewelry" are to be sent back to First Grade.  If they still can't pronounce them properly after that, they're forbidden from running for any public office.

6. Anyone caught driving while over the legal intoxication limit should be shot on site for first offense.  Second offense would require more severe punishment.

7. Anyone caught bitching about immigration must be required to work for the border patrol for one year.

8. Leaf blowers are to be outlawed.

9. College tuition should be free for every citizen, as long as they can pass an entrance exam and maintain a high grade point average.

10. I will reserve my tenth wish for later.  :)
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