Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A Quasi-Scientific Analysis of DoucheBaggery

I was just thinking.  Yes: occassionally I do that.  We Americans like the word “douche” very much.  We use it in combination with other words to create nouns, verbs and adverbs in very creative ways.  But when denegrating others, in our rush to make a cool sounding phrase, we are actually cheating ourselves of using a more appropriate phrase: enema bag. 

That’s right.  We like to say “douche bag!” and other phrases like “douche-face”, “douche-breath” and “sir douche-a-lot”, or even my personal favoriate: “Lord Douchely” (only if you say it like a big, barrell-chested retired British Army Colonel with a bushy mustache and monacle). 

We don’t call people “enema bag” and “enema face” because it just doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well.  So, douche wins.  Not because it’s actually a symbol of lowest comparative denominator, but because it just sounds better.  It’s also easier to say “douche brain” than “enema bag” when you’ve polished off a case of beer.

And some people wonder why I don’t get government study grants handed to me.  P-shaaaa!

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