"I'll cook a plate of dog shit, medium-rare, if someone pays me enough" - John, the head cook at a restaurant I once worked at, after a customer demanded a 2-inch Filet Mignon "cooked 6 seconds on each side". He tipped John $100.
"Alright. You ladies grab your tampons and dance up to the roof and start working." - Mike, construction boss (the roof was five stories high and sloped 30 degrees, it was 4:30 AM and had been raining all night)
"When you get out there, all the directions are based on cows and rusted cars in the yard." - Tim, my boss when I delivered paint. In this case out in the boonies beyond Arc, Va.
"Don't bother me. I'm massaging my temples with a .45" - Paul, a former boss in the IT world. One of his favorite phrases.
"You can't treat users like that. They're way too stupid." - Betty, an IT manager
"Contracts are made to be changed. So change it!" - Linda, uber-vicious IT procurement manager for a large corporation, talking to a senior Autodesk or Microsoft rep. By the way, they changed it. They always do.