Wednesday, September 29, 2010

“Scoop the Poop” isn’t about Dog Shit. It’s Bullshit

I was walking my Beagle on the beach last weekend and for whatever reason (ok, I know the reason, but let’s just move along) she had to stop and drop a load in the sand.  This is on the “North Beach” area, which is one of the THE most sparse places on the shore of Virginia Beach.  I can typically count every human in sight on one hand.  My dog finishes, I scooped a hole, nudged it in and buried it.  Within seconds, some middle-aged white guy runs up and smiles and says “you should pick that up, you know.”  Problem is I didn’t have a baggie, nor any gloves, nor a shovel, nor a God damned care in the F***ing world to go with it.

I said “whatever.” and started to walk on in the direction I was already going.  He started walking beside me, continues trying to make his point and save the planet Earth for all living creatures.

“If you leave that, some child will dig into it.”

I said “with the daily tides, it will be long dissolved and gone by morning.”

“Well, it creates an E-Coli problem for the beach water.”

I said “really?!  ONE DOG can do ALL THAT?”

“Well, if everyone felt that way, then…”

“Then what? You’re saying I can control or influence what every other dog owner does on this beach?!  Really?!  And by the way:  It takes quite a bit more ‘fecal matter’ to create enough E Coli quantity in parts-per-million before beach swimmers would have to worry.”

“It’s just bad for the environment” (with an obnoxious shrug and smile)

“So are you.”

Which brings me to this quasi-scientifc hypothesis:

Assuming that the quantity of “wildlife”, particularly fur-covered mammals, was higher in the years prior to mankind arriving, how did the environment ever survive their massive quantities of fecal matter?  If the conditions have changed such that the non-human mammal count has been DRASTICALLY reduced from 1500 to 2010, and the human population has increased from 4 or 5 to 437,000, well, gee, I wonder what factor has led to environmental impact?  Hmmmm… Finger’s tapping, staring up to the left or right.

Now, let me say that I don’t think anyone wants dog poop laying around on sidewalks and streets.  But on “nature trails” and secluded beaches I say: Dogs! Drop your loads!

Oh, and by the way, all along this particular area of beach are wild foxes living in the dunes.  Who picks up their droppings?  How much damage are they creating for the environment?  This whole thing reminds of a South Park episode.   Sometimes I wish a pack of dogs would dig a big hole and bury these idiot dumbasses and save our mental environment.

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