Thursday, July 15, 2010

True Crime: Cheating Mother Nature

If you ask most people "on the street" what they consider to be the "ultimate crime", you can probably guess what they would say in response:

  • Murder
  • Rape
  • Arson
  • Robbery
  • etc.

I disagree.  The most serious, and damaging crime is to subvert Mother Nature.

Before you knee-jerk: Hear me out, please...

I'm sure your first thought was about the big oil spill mess, or saving the rain forests, or recycling, or air and water pollution, etc.  Nope.  Not even close.

The biggest crime, the ultimate crime, is thwarting Nature's proven organic process of weeding out the STUPID.  Yes.  The STUPID.  Nature normally takes care of eliminating the stupid.  It keeps the population of stupid in check.

Modern mankind not only saves the stupid, we protect and even embolden the stupid.  We often praise them.  Let's compare how Nature handles the Stupid, versus how modern (e.g. "Western") civilization handles them...

Fails the First Grade aptitude test

Nature: Let's them fail, walk into oncoming traffic and be killed or eaten by hungry animals

Sociey: Either gives them a free pass, or allows for unlimited re-takes until they pass

Pours hot coffee in their own lap

Nature: Leaves a scar and educates idiot not to be careless with hot coffee

Society: Let's the idiot sue the person serving the coffee, the coffee company, and the company making the coffee cups

Crashes a private airplane while flying intoxicated

Nature: Let's weeds grow over the rusted wreckage and feeds the stray animals and birds

Society: Allows pilot's family to sue aircraft maker, flight controllers, suppliers of parts to build aircraft, liquor company and the property owner (for putting the ground in way of the falling aircraft)

Sprays can of deoderant into their own eyes

Nature: Happily accepts another blind person to join the growing flock of food for wandering hungry animals.

Society: Allows person to sue deoderant manufacturer and requires labels on all spray cans to warn of spraying into eyes.

Follows incorrect GPS directions to a missing bridge or into oncoming traffic

Nature: Adds another idiot to the fertilizer club.

Society: Allows person to sue GPS maker, map content supplier, bridge owner and person driving oncoming car.  Person uses money to buy a mansion, a Ferrari, and starts a reality TV show on MTV.

Homeowner shoots unwanted intruder after they break in through window at night

Nature: Provides a handy target for shooting practice and fertilizer for homeowner's backyard garden

Society: Sues homeowner, takes house and gun and pays restitution to intruder for remaining years of life

Girl is upset by being sent home for wearing a thong and high-heels to her 3rd grade class

Nature: Eliminates them with AIDS or excessive repeat pregnancies.

Society: Creates a special classroom for these kids and forces all others to learn to appreciate yet more cultural diversity.

Boy expelled from school for bringing weapons

Nature: Accepts another ditch-digger.

Society: Sends him to sensitivity class for a week and then returns him to school.  Later on, boy writes book and after describing it to Oprah, ends up on the NYT best seller list and he retires young and wealthy.

More examples?

Swallow too many pills and become a vegatable?  Sue the pill maker

Drop a hammer on your foot?  Sue the hammer maker

Doctor says you need to lose weight?  Sue the doctor for defamation of character and psychological trauma

Seat too small on airplane?  Sue for weight discrimination

Eat a can of dog food and get sick?  Sue the dog food maker for failing to put bigger labels on the can.

Person can't spell, or pronounce words properly, wears underwear in public and drinks Malt Liquor for breakfast?  Give them a reality TV show.

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