Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Stagnant Technologies We Love

With so much emphasis on how vast our technological prowess has encompassed the world in which we live, I thought might be a good time to keep us a bit grounded by reminded us of some of the really shittier things we just seem to ignore and live with…

Computer Keyboards – Sure, they’ve been morphed into ergonomic, multi-function button mega boards, but they still fill up with dust, crumbs, and hair.  Why haven’t we found a way to make them ALL so they don’t need to be blown out with compressed air all the time?

Toasters – While the oven, stove-top, coffee maker, and even egg poachers have enjoyed a lot of attention, it still takes the same amount of time to toast a slice of bread as it did in 1950.

Desktop Computers – I have a Dell Inspiron Zino HD compact desktop, which I absolutely love.  It reminds of an Apple Mac Mini combined with an AppleTV, only cheaper and prettier (and runs cool to the touch).  But 99.9 percent of all desktop computers worldwide are the same old tired ATx style bulky cases with wasted parts and inefficient assembly processes.  Why does a desktop computer need to be any larger than the base of a laptop?  For 99.9 of average users that’s all they need (probably more than they need).

Deodorant/Antiperspirant – Aluminum Zirconium Hydroxide.  Same stuff that’s been in use since the Cold War.

The Wax Toilet Bowl Ring – It was probably used as a teething ring by cavemen after they ate all the honey from a hive.

The Clothing Belt – Pin and Hole, Press Latch, Slip Latch or Velcro.  Nothing really to brag about to our future offspring.  Yay!  We know how to keep pants up.  Oh wait, I forgot, it’s not cool to keep your pants up anymore.  Nevermind.

Car Driving – It still requires humans.  Humans fuck up and crash more often every second of every day than all of the worst Windows 3.11 computers that have ever existed in the world combined.  Wake me up when something really innovative happens.  Something like not having to drive them.  No steering wheels.  No drunk drivers.  No car chases.

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