Tuesday, May 26, 2009

My Trip to City Hall

Today, after work, I accompanied my oldest daughter and one of her friends to a city council meeting. Her class is required to log a certain number of hours of attendance at city government functions, and these are pretty easy to get to. It was interesting, especially since I hold a fraction of a fraction of 1 percent respect for government. Most of what I see doesn't impress me, but I humored the kids and went along.

A few tips for anyone working with those fine folks of the Virginia Beach City Council:

  1. Oil that damn door! The entrance door to the room has a squeak like a haunted house. And to make things worse, I timed it and each time someone entered, it takes 4 seconds for the door to finally, and loudly shut. Sqqqueeeeeeeeeeeeeak!  Thump!
  2. Mr. Jones, the guy with the Ministerial hair cut: Drink a Red Bull before you read to the microphone. This guy talks so monotonous, and lackluster, that I thought I would have to stab my eyes out with a belt buckle just to stay awake.
  3. Put some signs up around that wonderful "campus" that help guide newcomers to the council meeting place. We have a "municipal center" that was designed by M.C. Escher.
  4. Instead of robbing school board funds to widen roads like Laskin, how about actually knocking out one of those projects you've spent money on and NEVER even tried to finish (let alone get started on). I can name a few: Nimmo Parkway, the Town Center walk-over, lightrail (yes, fricking lightrail, morons), the Rosemont/264/Bonney/Death-trap intersection, and so SOMETHING with that weed-pit where HQ and FX used to be.
  5. Add some sound effects with desk-top buttons.  It might liven things up a bit when a council member rebuffs a speaker.  Also, install a decibel sensing device that monitors the voice level of council speakers.  If they don’t maintain a minimum threshold, it should send an electric shock to their seat bottom to keep them sounding interested and engaged.

And I wonder how I could have such little faith in them spending our money right. Whatever.

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